Monday, April 27, 2009

Quarter Life Crisis

Disclaimer: This one is not an original. A friend sent this forward. Good read, so decided to put it up here.


It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. 

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. 

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. 

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. 

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. 

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! 

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion.

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." 

Blog Award!

Well, it's not everyday that somebody appreciates you for your work..
Here I have 2 blog awards! :) 
1) By Nithya.. My favorite Senior from MOP, and the lady with magic fingers!
2) Way-tha! Favorite Junior from MOP again. Ms. Congeniality

It's time for me to spread the cheer.. 
Rules of the game are as follows..

1) Add the logo of the award to your blog.
2) Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.
3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs (Only if you like).
4) Add links to those blogs on your blog.
5) Leave a message for your nominees on their blog.

1) Nithya: For bestowing me with her award! Brilliant senior of mine. I always knew she was an amazing painter,  never knew she was a cooking expert. Check out her blog for mouth watering delicacies.. 
2)Vedha: Way-tha! No matter how much she protests this will be her name. Ms.Versatality.
3)Gitu: Fellow MBA- pursuer. Read her poems and you'll fall in love with them!
4) Raji: The information System.. Entries are short and sweet.
5) Supri: Her blog is her canvas. 
6) Pri: Knows her mind well and blogs really well. Not very regular. But her posts make an amazing read.
7) Sindhu: This is an I encourage you to write more award :D
8) Alu: My Inspiration for starting a blog and Drama Queen!

Now you can spread the joy!


Friday, April 24, 2009

I Want To...

This happened a couple of weeks back..

It was a very boring Saturday afternoon when the whole class had decided to miss the the college day function. Different groups spread apart in different directions. Me, Gitu, Abhishek, Praseela and Nisha to name a few had decided to jump down the trench. Leader of the MBA bunk-maro committee was me! I was the chosen one, thanks to my experience of escaping from college via the un-trodden path a week back.. So, the gang decided to follow me!

While standing near the parking lot waiting for the rest of them to arrive; Me, Gitu and Abhishek were having this extremely random conversation.. I want to.. 
What's the big deal you may ask.. But what follwoed the very line was really though provoking..

MBA is a course which can get really frustrating sometimes. Especially, when you do it from a college like mine. People here try to give you the best of both worlds which can be really taxing and can leave you in a Brain Fuel Exhausted state.
There are moments when the course is real fun; some case studies can really set you thinking. While some others like finance case which leave you in a hazy state. Then there is Mr.Anna University whose paper correction panel is brought down straight from mars.

This week was particularly freaky. The internals were the worst in all our lives and we were looking into this tunnel with no light at the end. Everybody's frustration has a threshold level. Ours was spilling out. What are we doing down here in the middle of nowhere is a discussion we guys have almost every other day. 

The point of discussion was: I want to.. You can fill it up with as many words as you want. 

Gitu: I want to run away to space... Bizarre as it may seem..
You'd die in shock when you read the next.
Abhishek: Buy a bike and  go to ladakh! Get married to a mongolian chick, rear goats, and cricket team of chinki kids! How amazing is this!?

You may probably think what the fuck!. The problem is all of us are screwed in our brains. 
ppts overflowing with information, articles to be read, cases to be sovled, there is sleep deprivation. Another is a sinking feeling which most of us wake up with.. A bewildered state.. 
Most of us can't figure out the real purpose of an MBA, or infact anything happening around us. The worst of all is the pressure to perform. Be recognised in a class, bag the best pay packet.

At one end of the spectrum there are people like the three of us counting our days waiting for the bell to ring, at the other you have people who are super clueless.. Life doesn't seem to be good enough. 

People ask me what's wrong with me and I have no answer what-so-ever. Some tell me the charm is missing, some the glitter in my eye. All I know is, I am feeling f-ed up. F-ed up with the people, the place and with life in itself..

All this at the cost of missing out on being me.

I want to... Want to sleep.. Disconnect from this world, get invisible.. Go on a vacation.. I don't want to be spot here.. I want to escape the whole routine.. Miss the assignments, the cases, the classes.. In fact every damn thing around me..
There are times when I just don't feel like waking up, all I want to do is curl up under the sheets and forget all about life.. 
Give me a day when I just be me.. Plain undiluted simple me. Am tired of being a fake. Fake smiling, appreciating. I want a day when I can tell people on their face that they're plain boring and that am fed up with their antics. I want to be ME. Am sick and tired of the acting game. Tired of keeping my guard on all the time..  I want to speak my mind.. I want to let go.. I am going deaf thanks to the advice and opinion of others. Everybody other than me seems to have a say about me. Its MY Goddamned life for God's sake. I want a life which is my own and nobody elses. 

Timeout! Seriously timeout!.. All I want to do is: be happy, be content, live a life of my own and show my middle finger to anybody who dares to interfere!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Face-off with Facebook!

After Orkut, Facebook seems to have become the next best thing on the Social-Networking Arena. (I can see you yawn already). Social networking sites haven't been my best friends. Every day a new site crops up, and it floods my inbox with half a dozen requests. I don’t politely reject them, I simply click on GMail's "report spam" option.

Am not a networking averse, I was an addict probably when the whole thing was brand new. Orkut gave you a new insight into what you had never seen before. I was happy signed into. Since the whole thing was new, it created a buzz, people fought over the testimonials written, the more the merrier concept. The scrapbook was open to the whole world, so were the albums.

Things changed. Security issues cropped up, the albums, scrapbooks, and testimonials were all locked. That was a good sign for people like me, who are born scary-cats. Every time I put a new picture in my album, my sister used to send me a threat disguised as an SMS, "you better take that picture off now!” I had no intentions of opening up to the public. There's not much of a choice when you are 19 yr old, you simply abide by requests and threats alike. I stuck to putting up weird pictures in albums; my most celebrated nasty looking bedroom was in my album at one point.

Slowly but steadily, the addiction soon began to wear off... My scrapbook count did not matter, nor did the no of friends or testimonials. The only advantage with these networking sites is, you can keep in touch with people. Once in a while send them a scrap, and ask about their whereabouts. When you are really bored, you can check out the communities, laugh at the profiles, and sign out. I really wonder if you still need them when you have their email Ids and mobile numbers. Sending an SMS is as easy as scrapping them.

When I was in the de-addicted process, there came another monster called facebook came in my way to de-throne me from my I-Will-Not-Join-Another-Networking-Site-Stand.
I can put up with Orkut, in fact I have a mild liking towards it, I changed email id's but I still kept my Orkut profile for senti's sake. I could feel no such thing with Facebook. I wasn't game for another networking site.

Sometime back, a friend asked me "are you on FB?” I was like what!?!" OH, you mean Facebook? So, to accept the request on demand, I logged in.
There is something I really hate about the networking site. One it hangs too often, two; there is seems to be an eternal information overload. So much information that you don’t need. XYZ took the, which shitty planet you were born in quiz. Somebody has challenged you to a mob wars. When will you die, what kind of a kisser are you? (A sloppy one, I know!) three; it's all in the open. If you wake up in the wrong side of the bed, you are asked to mention it. Its not what I am interested in. Orkut on the other hand, has this bonding or so I feel. That was the first networking site I joined. Facebook to me is like the Gen-Y with the generation gap; loud and brash.

After I logged in, I wanted to inflict some torture on the other Non-facebook souls, in my contact list. To my surprise I found people whom I wanted to lose touch with, through the "friend finder". Yeah, lots of people find me from this medium. I did the same. Added all of them and signed out with a satisfied grin!

God forbid! I mean, its such a pain. I don't need to be socially viable. I like some amount of privacy. There's a small space which says "tell the world, what you are doing!" No, I don't want to. I am a bit of a recluse and will be so no matter how many more networking sites want to have me as a member. There are ads all over the place inviting you to join in the fun. Everybody is into some activity or the other. I know friends who log into facebook and don't log out for hours together. I see / feel no such addiction.

They say fb is safer than Orkut, you can upload photos, watch videos and do all the shit you did on Orkut. When it becomes a safer haven, the whole party joins in. Everybody wants to be seen / heard. Whats the whole fuss about it?! Does it even matter to me if you have constipation or you broke up? Unless you are really close to me, I really don't care. I refuse to join in the networking bandwagon. Am happier this way. Blissfully unaware all the chaos around me. I choose to stay away from networking sites.

Peace Out!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Graduate Glory

In june 2007, after a pathetic Internship-II presentation, an obviously taken aback HOD, thanks to the"fuck-off!" look on my face, told me "Lets see how you get with your degree!"

Here's how...

Having grown on a staple of Hindi and Tamil flicks, where Graduation Days were associated with long black robes, a funny looking cap, lots of people around the campus. The throwing of certificates in the air and a declaration "I have arrived!” Well, I did none of the above mentioned. Mine was supposed to be a grand family affair, reduced to just the two of us a week before the d-day.

On the D-day my mom tried inflicting her cost-cutting measures on me. That dint seem to work out, thanks to the Saree draping ceremony which took longer than usual, and the punctuality levels we maintain. The reporting time was 8, (MOP time=9.00). We left home at 8.15, all the while I was doing a jugglery of holding my bag, keeping my hair in place and making sure the saree was not flying in all directions!

When you belong to MOP, there are some things you need to be contended with. Organization and planning topping the list. The venue is chosen, the invitations are sent out. Their job ends there. I still wonder how this college has celebrated 14 grad-days in all. The venue was over crowded, bad people management. The counters were all over the place, no volunteers around to guide you through the process. After getting squeezed and smashed through the milling crowd. I managed to find where my dept counter was located.

A line of familiar faces greet me. When you meet people whom you've been avoiding, the easiest way out is by "Fake-Smiling". This is how it works, a) You smile at them showing all your 32 teeth, b) Hug them. c)Make really loud excited noises.. "Oh my God!! You are looking sooo nice" would suffice. While doing this, don't forget eye contact. Then you can pass through the crowd, do the same to your professors at the counter. "Oh Ma'm you've lost weight!"

After collecting my paraphernalia and doing my rounds of pooh-poohs, I bumped into the face, I had been trying to avoid all through the process. Yellow saree, matching yellow teeth, yellow jewellery, I came face to face with UV.. There was no way I could escape the UV rays. So I had to oblige, and say "Hellooooo Ma'm.. Am soo happy to see you! You are looking nice" (Don't give me that look.. I really did it!) Keep grinning until you make your way out.

After all this, I found my way into the main audi. This is where confusion No.2 starts. MOP is really good at planning and seating arrangement as mentioned earlier. Now it's time to reiterate on that. They marked seats for us. The only problem was the labelling at the end of each row was done in such a way that even if you wore the best contact lenses in town you couldn't read them.

People were scrambling for seats. I did another round of pooh-poohs. I even took the numbers of few of my classmates whom I think might come handy in the future.

After all the pleasantary exchanging process, the time was 10.00. MOP like any other self respecting college in the country made us wait for an hour after the scheduled time. The program supposed to start at 9, started at 10 sharp. These guys are in tune with the happenings around them. There was cost cutting here as well. The admin of the venue decided not to switch on the air conditioners until the paltan along with the band baja arrived.

After a stifling half a dozen yawns, the program finally started. The paltan was firmly placed on the stage. The Princi introduced the Chief Guest. Then Chief Guest spoke. All this while I was trying to keep my eyes from dropping. Then started calling us in the order of our depts. Boring stuff.. I was trying real hard to keep my eyes open. Slowly the crowd started moving on the stage.

There's another thing, you outght to know about this pigeon hole of a college. The place is nothing less than a fashionista zone. Taking into consideration that most of the population is northie, you can be rest assured that you'll be up to date on the latest fashion trends, What's in and what’s out will be clearly demarcated. No wonder, there were lines of bikes outside the campus every evening..

This year's grad day could have never been any less. Everybody was dressed in their best. Pulsating pinks, Puprple fashion, deep necks and what not. I am bad at the fashion part. So I'll skip it..

Finally, after a long wait, they invited the School of IT to be presented with their degrees, and our was the 3rd in the list. Inching forward my name came at last.. The very feeling of standing under the arch-lights, while the whole audi looking at me ( or so I presumed), is a feeling that surpasses everything! I was all set to be the drama queen. According to the plan rehearsed at home a million times, I looked straight into the camera holding my degree. Grinned. The next thing I did was completely unplanned for. A skip, a hop a tiny little jump and I was off the stage, with the certificate in my hand!

On my way back to my seat, I got bear hugged by Jayanthi, on the aisle! Such a Glorious moment to be hugged in the middle of the audi, with people on both sides! :P. I forgot my row, so I walked all through my rows of my dept, shook hands with everybody.. I may not see most of these people after this. I am not too sure if I'll miss any of them. But this very moment with stay on with me and go down the pages of my history!

Aathaa! Naa pass aiyten! **YaaaaaY!**

Now, I can proudly say, "Daddy, I am Sandhya.A, BCA, MBA (Bar) Daddy!!"