I was at the Gynec’s clinic, waiting for my mom to return from the diagnostic center. And to break the comfortable silence in the room, the doc tried to strike a very amiable conversation. She first asked me about the placements, I gave her complete defiance.
Seeing my progressive disinterest, she popped the tried and tested question – so kanna, what plans for v-day? I thought I hadn’t heard the question properly, she pressed on; its ok, I won’t tell amma. (Yeah right! Old trick but it doesn’t work here) so to save my nonexistent social life from coming into focus, I deftly handled the question, by telling her that I had lots of project work to be completed and I had no time to waste.
Say Hi to my Gynec who doubles up as my – career counselor, dietician, stylist and fitness instructor. The latest addition to her portfolio is – being a matchmaker. She links every activity of mine to one final destination.
Welcome to the world of professional matchmakers. You will find them at the following places – family functions, somebody’s marriage, a ceremony, temples, or even a friendly get together. These women need not be your relatives; they can be friends, acquaintances, and even colleagues. And they have taken upon themselves the task of finding the perfect guy for you. In any of these places, there will be groups of shrewd analysts.
Every conversation struck among a pair of women would be laced with this unwritten agreement of – an arranged marriage.
Their finding the ideal match methodology is simple; calculate your average age, and with this in mind, they’ll add your height factor, the weight factor, family background, the educational qualifications, and also the general reputation, did I forget something? Yes – complexion. Voila! The ideal guy is ready.
With the initial research complete, they approach the bakra’s mother or close relative. The deal is presented like it’s a deal from the Godfather himself. What truly amazes me about this bunch of women is the consummate ease with which they rattle off names of guys, their professions, family information, their siblings, sometimes even the number of ex- girlfriends.
There are chartered accountants, software engineers who are still a major draw,, some MBA’s and; all of them come with trademark characteristics of being good looking, chamathu, and earn pot loads of money. They make their young prospects sound like they’ve been insulated from the big bad world for as long as they’ve existed.
I’m not anti the traditionalists, I admit that there are guys who look adorable in their veshti and shirts, and given an opportunity, I’d shamelessly blow a flying kiss at them. What really puts me off is, pushing them off like they’re up for pantaloons end of season sale.
When you make your stand clear, the women are quick to brush it off as unrealistic expectations, and if you still persist, they’ll proceed to blame bollywood and western culture. I fail to understand why these women are obsessed about packing me off. Did my mom or my perima pay you something? Don’t you have families and careers to worry about? What happened to discussing recipes and that sickeningly sadistic mother in law? Somebody should create an incubator to swallow all these women, when they huddle together.
If you were still wondering about my Gynec, she has expressed interest in joining my power yoga class. Well, my dear lady, wait until I break your back.
And next time I see any of them in visible proximity, I will scoot!