Monday, February 15, 2010

Encounter Specialists

I was at the Gynec’s clinic, waiting for my mom to return from the diagnostic center. And to break the comfortable silence in the room, the doc tried to strike a very amiable conversation. She first asked me about the placements, I gave her complete defiance.

Seeing my progressive disinterest, she popped the tried and tested question – so kanna, what plans for v-day? I thought I hadn’t heard the question properly, she pressed on; its ok, I won’t tell amma. (Yeah right! Old trick but it doesn’t work here) so to save my nonexistent social life from coming into focus, I deftly handled the question, by telling her that I had lots of project work to be completed and I had no time to waste.

Say Hi to my Gynec who doubles up as my – career counselor, dietician, stylist and fitness instructor. The latest addition to her portfolio is – being a matchmaker. She links every activity of mine to one final destination.

Welcome to the world of professional matchmakers. You will find them at the following places – family functions, somebody’s marriage, a ceremony, temples, or even a friendly get together. These women need not be your relatives; they can be friends, acquaintances, and even colleagues. And they have taken upon themselves the task of finding the perfect guy for you. In any of these places, there will be groups of shrewd analysts.

Every conversation struck among a pair of women would be laced with this unwritten agreement of – an arranged marriage.

Their finding the ideal match methodology is simple; calculate your average age, and with this in mind, they’ll add your height factor, the weight factor, family background, the educational qualifications, and also the general reputation, did I forget something? Yes – complexion. Voila! The ideal guy is ready.

With the initial research complete, they approach the bakra’s mother or close relative. The deal is presented like it’s a deal from the Godfather himself. What truly amazes me about this bunch of women is the consummate ease with which they rattle off names of guys, their professions, family information, their siblings, sometimes even the number of ex- girlfriends.

There are chartered accountants, software engineers who are still a major draw,, some MBA’s and; all of them come with trademark characteristics of being good looking, chamathu, and earn pot loads of money. They make their young prospects sound like they’ve been insulated from the big bad world for as long as they’ve existed.

I’m not anti the traditionalists, I admit that there are guys who look adorable in their veshti and shirts, and given an opportunity, I’d shamelessly blow a flying kiss at them. What really puts me off is, pushing them off like they’re up for pantaloons end of season sale.

When you make your stand clear, the women are quick to brush it off as unrealistic expectations, and if you still persist, they’ll proceed to blame bollywood and western culture. I fail to understand why these women are obsessed about packing me off. Did my mom or my perima pay you something? Don’t you have families and careers to worry about? What happened to discussing recipes and that sickeningly sadistic mother in law? Somebody should create an incubator to swallow all these women, when they huddle together.

If you were still wondering about my Gynec, she has expressed interest in joining my power yoga class. Well, my dear lady, wait until I break your back.

And next time I see any of them in visible proximity, I will scoot!

Peace Out.


Arv said...

ha ha... me and the mrs. met through such channels... and yeah, like you say, she kinda feel for the dude in veshti :P

but our arrangement process was very simple; open talks and no 3rd party/relative business like nonsense... so it was nothing like what we have known it be decades ago :)

When the time comes, the Decision should always be yours but make sure you have your parents' full blessings :)

Darshan said...

I dont think anyone else can elaborate to such details on something so trivial .. and also talk abt it so unabashedly ... hats off to your courage, comedy and karuthu

suvarna said...

hey very gud article. Now u ve become all grls representative hehehehe.

Prashanth Rajan said...

Girl talk ! Bah !

Deepz said...

An account of a true EVIl thats prevalent in today's society!;-)
Leave it to Sandy to add a humourous n sarcastic post on this common problem faced by gals..
This is one post I truly relate to...coz Im facing the same tips sandy??

gitanjali.j said...

heh heh :) i liked this one mach!! btw, the mum swap offer is still on :P

vsk said...

Your 'heroine' reminded me of that adorable matchmaker in Fiddler on the Roof -- seen it? And that exquisite song about her by the girls she's trying to 'place'.

But both you & Deepz (name?) are being unduly harsh on these lovely people - you've to at least admire their professionalism. Learn to love them and you'll find life becoming kafi exciting.


Roo said...

I've an idea fr u.. Try n carry a display board which reads,
"Plz leave ur number.. U wil be contacted when i wana get married.. Current status : No vacancy "

sawan said...

luks like u r having a ‘peaceful’ life! congratulations, u saved so much of money, which otherwise would have been wasted in portals like bharathmatrimony :)

Praseela Nair said...

As Kumar sir said , learn to love their professionalism. After all they do a favour without demanding a commission for matchmaking. But I do agree that too much of that stuff is annoying..Idhuvum kadandhu sellum ( Oh i forgot that u dont know tamil..This too will pass dear :P)