Sunday, August 22, 2010

Randomization Part-II

Another set of random trail of thoughts which don’t fall under any category.

I ate like a pig this weekend. I’ll list down the menu items to make you jealous; Pasta, Pongal, Pani-puri, Thenga-vella payasam, Semiya payasam, Paneer Paratha, Peanut butter dry fruits cookies, Chocolate cake, and finished it off with some real good Toblerone. The pariharam for the calorie overload would be – run on the treadmill for solid 60 mins tomorrow. Somebody should invent Zero Calorie Food, or just make sure we women never put on weight no matter what we eat.

A has come home for holidays; I was being the ever obedient pillion rider and his official sponsor. Today we went friend’s place hopping, while the A boy was happily chatting up with his friends; there was I staring into outer space wondering how I’d fit into the crowd of “college going kids”. The conversations weren’t Greek and Latin, they primarily revolved around the usual guy girl chit-chat, college stories, and the likes. This is when realisation struck – I’m growing old. Yes, it hit me pretty hard, and it is yet to sink in. I don’t see any grey strands, so I don’t need Godrej kesh kaala. Now I’m neither Ghar ka na ghaat ka!

I’m showing signs of obsessive compulsive disorder. It doesn’t sound scary, but it’s a lot like I have to have a bar of chocolate every week, paint my nails, I have chocolates in my bag. I have also become very obsessive about the way I look.

The size zero seems to be the fad everywhere. Even coffee bite wasn’t spared. It stands out as my favourite toffee and now looks like it’s on the way to become the size zero chocolate. It doesn’t taste the same either.

Ambassador cars should be taken off Indian roads. My office folks hired a stupid ambassador to drop me off home. Believe me a cyclist would move faster than that stupid vehicle. Wait on, I think I can run faster on the treadmill.

Vodafone loves sending me those “give balance to your friend texts” every other day. My dear Vodafone Employee, I’d like to inform you that, 9/10 times, I’m the one without any balance.

There is another new batch at work, and the trainees sit in my bay. So, the “I can’t keep my trap shut for more than 15mins girl,” starts talking to the newbies. I should learn to cut down on my talking to people, seriously. In the process of talking, I’ve become a gyaani guru of sorts, they come to me for advice on assignments, how to look for information, presentation etc. Little do they realise that I’m just another minion.

Facebook status updates piss me off to no end, and I mean it. Bloody how stupid can people be? I can’t fathom why a status has to be updated every 15mins.

I think I should pack off the cookies and cake, and pass it on to A. The sooner I get them out my line of sight the better it is for me. I don’t like panting like a dog on the treadmill, Promise.

Tomorrow is Monday, I have none of those “Oh my God, another Monday” feelings yet. Somebody tell me, am I ok?

I understand that it’s 11.30PM IST, and I better hit the sack.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

.... There I go....

Another one bites the bullet..

No, I'm not getting married.

I've done three things, which I vowed will never ever happen.

a) Threading my eyebrows: I've always believed that my eyebrows had a natural shape to them, and I dint want to ruin them. I know of so many girls who've been doing this since they were 16 or so, and it took me years before I decided to go under the thread :P and yes I like the way my face looks now :D

b) Facebook Mobile: I did not want facebook to become an indispensable part of my life. I deleted every SMS sent by my mobile service provider to activate GPRS, and even ABC commented from facebook did not inspire me. Last Friday, I gave in. Sadness I know. But I'm keeping it at a safe distance now :)

c) Shades: Me and a friend decided to go out today, and buying a pair of shades was never on the cards, until she reminded me - you wanted to look at some shades na? Let's try fastrack. The rest they say is history...

I don't know how many more firsts are in the offing :P

PS: I did buy myself a new pair of heels also. I burnt INR 2500 in a single day. **shock, shudder**

Self Analysis

We had a townhall a couple of Fridays back, there was a quintessential old man who always turns out to be a guest speaker talking about employee motivation, and what a company must do to and all that jazz. (*yawn*). Thankfully it wasn’t very yawn inducing. All of us were made to take a test also known as “Personal Change Readiness Test”, and I must admit the results, were unapologetically accurate.

The test or the instrument as the thatha called it was divided into Passion, Resourcefulness, Optimism, Adventurousness, Adaptability, Confidence, and Tolerance to Ambiguity.

I don’t know why I’m posting this here, one of these days; I might want to look back on certain aspects to see if I’ve consciously tried to implement changes. This might be an extremely long and boring post so beware.

I’ll do the good ones first followed by the really bad ones.

The first thing on the list is passion: According to the test, I’m a realist. To put it very succinctly I’m somebody who loves live and is very passionate about living it to the hilt. But in the same breath, I know my limits, I live in the real world, and experience every single emotion, and I’m willing to experiment, but only a little. I’m not radical.

Resourcefulness: I know that I am resourceful, as in I’m capable of coming up with ideas, and I pass it on to people around me. But I’m not overbearing in my authority, I give way to the other person, and firmly believe that everybody has something to contribute.

Optimism: I believe, and I look at all possibilities. I can be a bit of a pessimist sometimes, but that’s like very rare.

Here come the sad parts:

Adventurousness: I have apparently lost the ability to experiment. It did come as a rude shock to me. To be really honest, I think somewhere down the line, I think I’ve become a little more careful, and very restrictive. Tomorrow, if a guy asks me out from office, I would say NO without batting an eyelid, I don’t fear the gossip mills at work, but like the result says, I’ve become restrictive. I’ve lost the kick factor in my life.. Some things don’t excite me anymore, or in another words, I have become very cautious.

Adaptability: This one wasn’t entirely true. I can adapt to different situations, thanks to the shit I’ve been through. What makes me agree to the result is that even while I’m adapting to a new situation, I’m looking for stability. More like randomly hoping that things go awry. Another facet is, I’m a little rigid, and it is very difficult to my change my mind, once I’ve formed a judgement.

Tolerance to Ambiguity: This one was spot-on. I’m always looking for certainty, and those nail biting moments can be a kill joy for somebody like me. I can take a shock when it happens, but the waiting period is something that can ruin the moment. This is so bloody true, and this happens every single time. Job hunting, MBA, my final year proj... I’ve had hurdles at every stage, and I did look at it from a very positive frame of mind, but those moments of uncertainty ruined it for me. The day my results were out – I was like, yeah macha, MBA. That’s all.

Confidence: or should I say the lack of it. This being the last point of the seven mentioned above, is a testimony to the fact that my confidence is, a constant Yo-Yo. If I were to define my confidence I’d say – One step forward, another backward, maybe a couple of them on the sides. I’ve never put myself in the limelight; I don’t indulge in attention seeking behaviour. Sometimes, I feel I have nothing so compelling in me that anybody would want to take a second look at me.

After going through the test, I don’t really see a radical change in me, and change doesn’t happen, unless you strive to make it happen.

This gyaan session taught me one thing – Sometimes, it’s important to let go. If I continue looking at myself thru those magnifying glasses, I’m heading nowhere. I should pause, take life easy, and believe that I’m really ok, in spite of all my flaws.

I shouldn’t allow events or people to drive me up the wall. Life is to be “Lived”. So I might as well live it the way I want to.