We had a townhall a couple of Fridays back, there was a quintessential old man who always turns out to be a guest speaker talking about employee motivation, and what a company must do to and all that jazz. (*yawn*). Thankfully it wasn’t very yawn inducing. All of us were made to take a test also known as “Personal Change Readiness Test”, and I must admit the results, were unapologetically accurate.
The test or the instrument as the thatha called it was divided into Passion, Resourcefulness, Optimism, Adventurousness, Adaptability, Confidence, and Tolerance to Ambiguity.
I don’t know why I’m posting this here, one of these days; I might want to look back on certain aspects to see if I’ve consciously tried to implement changes. This might be an extremely long and boring post so beware.
I’ll do the good ones first followed by the really bad ones.
The first thing on the list is passion: According to the test, I’m a realist. To put it very succinctly I’m somebody who loves live and is very passionate about living it to the hilt. But in the same breath, I know my limits, I live in the real world, and experience every single emotion, and I’m willing to experiment, but only a little. I’m not radical.
Resourcefulness: I know that I am resourceful, as in I’m capable of coming up with ideas, and I pass it on to people around me. But I’m not overbearing in my authority, I give way to the other person, and firmly believe that everybody has something to contribute.
Optimism: I believe, and I look at all possibilities. I can be a bit of a pessimist sometimes, but that’s like very rare.
Here come the sad parts:
Adventurousness: I have apparently lost the ability to experiment. It did come as a rude shock to me. To be really honest, I think somewhere down the line, I think I’ve become a little more careful, and very restrictive. Tomorrow, if a guy asks me out from office, I would say NO without batting an eyelid, I don’t fear the gossip mills at work, but like the result says, I’ve become restrictive. I’ve lost the kick factor in my life.. Some things don’t excite me anymore, or in another words, I have become very cautious.
Adaptability: This one wasn’t entirely true. I can adapt to different situations, thanks to the shit I’ve been through. What makes me agree to the result is that even while I’m adapting to a new situation, I’m looking for stability. More like randomly hoping that things go awry. Another facet is, I’m a little rigid, and it is very difficult to my change my mind, once I’ve formed a judgement.
Tolerance to Ambiguity: This one was spot-on. I’m always looking for certainty, and those nail biting moments can be a kill joy for somebody like me. I can take a shock when it happens, but the waiting period is something that can ruin the moment. This is so bloody true, and this happens every single time. Job hunting, MBA, my final year proj... I’ve had hurdles at every stage, and I did look at it from a very positive frame of mind, but those moments of uncertainty ruined it for me. The day my results were out – I was like, yeah macha, MBA. That’s all.
Confidence: or should I say the lack of it. This being the last point of the seven mentioned above, is a testimony to the fact that my confidence is, a constant Yo-Yo. If I were to define my confidence I’d say – One step forward, another backward, maybe a couple of them on the sides. I’ve never put myself in the limelight; I don’t indulge in attention seeking behaviour. Sometimes, I feel I have nothing so compelling in me that anybody would want to take a second look at me.
After going through the test, I don’t really see a radical change in me, and change doesn’t happen, unless you strive to make it happen.
This gyaan session taught me one thing – Sometimes, it’s important to let go. If I continue looking at myself thru those magnifying glasses, I’m heading nowhere. I should pause, take life easy, and believe that I’m really ok, in spite of all my flaws.
I shouldn’t allow events or people to drive me up the wall. Life is to be “Lived”. So I might as well live it the way I want to.