Sunday, December 5, 2010

Will You Marry Me?

Before you jump to conclusions, let me tell you that is not an open declaration or plea from my side. I’m using my MBA Marketing skills of *grabbing eyeballs*. Now that you sat up and took notice, half my job is over.
Welcome to Mission M – The Ultimate Disaster Management Program.  

Being the Business Analyst I am, I decided to conduct a small scale Market Research Study on the state of affairs.

Individual profiles are divided into various sub categories. The categories which are fodder for humour are – photos, about me, about my family and partner preferences.  The profiles are created either by the boy or his parents, in very rare cases relatives or siblings.

About me:  there are lots of variations to this. If the parents have created the profile, they make use of this opportunity to showcase their Son’s glory to the fullest extent.

Sample this: My son is an extremely intelligent, good looking boy with clean manners. He respects elders and is a very soft spoken boy who is also very God-fearing.  Moreover he will not mean any harm to even small insects. The entire paragraph sounds pretty decent, except for the last part. Your son will not harm an insect, is that what you mean? Ok, I have a question, what will he do if there is an ant climbing up his nose? Will he say “Hey Ant Baby! ‘Sup?”

This one was by the guy himself. Hi I’m ABCDEF; I’m a super chilled guy who loves to socialize with people. I have been living in the US for 6yrs now, and I have travelled the globe, except to Antarctica hehehe.  I have four things to say – one; my dear hyperactive dodo, this is a matrimonial profile, and not some despo Facebook profile where your intention is to be a Chick Magnate. Two; all of us are aware of the fact that only researchers setup base in Antarctica. So if you’ve been to a lot of places across the globe, have you been to Greenland and Arctic Region? Have you seen Santa and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer? Three; if you claim to be *that* chilled out, I guess if we do meet, we must catch up in Pasha over Child Beer and Chicken-65.  Four; heheheh is GAY. Moron.

One guy says, he was born and "bread"* in Chennai. Bread you mean? Well, I like Jam Rolls better.

Another guy says, I'm very "compassionate" about music. I'm equally compassionate about the people who listen to my music. 

About My Family:  This is where people get all filmy. Remember that Ad which goes like “My Daddy Strongest”?  One profile read: We are very happy family of fantastic 4. We are inseparable and love each one of us to death. I have a question; Which Tamizh Movie inspired you?  
You know what? My mummy is a superwoman!

Partner Preferences: This part which makes me go violent. We would like to receive requests from well educated  girls from respected families’ sums up the entire equation. People go the extra-mile and describe their preferences. We are interested in; tall fair slim Iyer brides, who are well educated, have strong family values and also career oriented. The fixation on “fair” brides is truly overwhelming.

The best of all is photos: Guys when they upload pictures end up contradicting themselves big time. There was this profile, where the guy had specifically mentioned that he is a “non-drinker”, but the album, has a full size picture of him and a glass with a golden colour liquid. Are you getting HIGH on Mirinda?

Pictures of themselves taken during the Onsite Project; this is the second category that exhibits extreme wannabe characteristics. Standing beside cars in a showroom is fine, makes you look like you’ve got great taste, but wrapping your arms around it like it’s your own is pushing it too far.

That’s all folks.

I’m sure you realise that I have categorically ruined every possibility of getting married.

Good Luck with your Partner Search.

PS: The paradox of the MR study is - if the guy's profile is remotely interesting. The following will happen; a) The guy lives in USofA, which is a BIG no-no. b) the gothram will be the same - equally tragic. c) The nakshatram will be the same or incompatible with yours.
PS1: All the profiles described above are real. The spellings are also straight from the profiles.
PS2: This is my view on the entire episode, and no hard feelings please. :P 
PS3: I also realise that my profile might be getting ripped apart elsewhere. But yeah, who cares!
PS4: Thank you for reading through such a long post. Your patience is deeply appreciated.


Meow said...

Hahahaha...... Very funny.. Marketing themselves for marriage!!! Hmmm..

Deepz said...

ROFL!Funniest post I've read. But its 100% true :D and Sandy is at her best!

Darshan said...

very well thought of .. and is a rude wake up call for any guy/girl who is right now having matrimonial pursuits !! :P

Roo said...

Lol lol !! Very true..
esply this tall, fair, slim bride.. why dont they try a larger version of Barbie dolls..

Ram said...

HAHAHHAAHA.. Couldnt help laughing at your post and your plight!

Nice one after a long time Ms. Motormouth!! :)


Siddharth said...

Good one :) Read it again. Having your blog link as GTalk status helps :P

Shilpa Ramji said...

Yet another funny post Sandy. Sailing in the same boat as u, I too find these profiles hilarious. Prolly, u shd write abt that gundu peruchali too ;)

sowmya said...

also posting photos only-if-taken-in-foreign-location rule and in return they expect studio taken photos in indian and western wear from various angles!!! arghhhhh....

sowmya said...

good one!!

Nirmal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.