Friday, November 9, 2012

And Then

I quit. I did, I did, I did. Yeah just like that, I quit. You figured that I was kidding about the just like that part right?  I mean, control freaks don’t quit jobs on a whim, they always have backup plans. Finally, after two months of editing, and reediting a one line resignation letter I quit.

Sometime in June, after clearing three rounds of interviews with the One-Number Company for the post of a Brand Manager, I was all set to put down my papers and say thank you very much and walk out. But the One-Number company’s Big Boss had other plans, he felt I was too young to take up so much responsibility and I did not have sufficient experience. That day I wailed like I had just lost a loved one, wailed like I wanted the earth to swallow me right there, wailed like I wanted to pull out every single strand of hair.

On the 1st of June, that Brand Manager Job that went down the drain was the redemption song I sung to myself every night; it was the proverbial light at the end of a long precarious tunnel, it was my little secret. Obviously, I was broken when my reverie shattered to smithereens. You would have gone through the same, if you endured workplace harassment for an entire year.

I still wanted to quit, without a backup or any idea what I’d want to do with my life.

I really did not want to write all this, but I had to vent it out somewhere.

I don’t know if the company tried a rescue mission of sorts on me, the HR convinced me to move into another team. I had nothing to lose. In the hindsight, hanging around for 5 more months was the sanest thing I did. I wouldn’t say they were great, but I would have been a happier human being if I could summon my lost confidence and sense of well being to have made a better impact.

The place has been an eye-opener of sorts in terms of; people, culture and politics. I’ve realized that people can be bad and *this* bad. Until then, I would have never known that second-rung people like Senior Analysts can wield the power to ruin your life. Ok, not just my life, he meted out the same treatment for two other colleagues as well.

Come to think of it, I’ve stayed here for 2years short by 9 days and that’s an achievement in itself taking into consideration all that I’ve endured. It really did feel like somebody was clearing my misconceptions about corporate life, I was at the receiving end of a lot of unfairness.
What have I gained over the last couple of years? I have gained a lot of weight, 10 kilos in 2yrs. I lost my peace of mind and almost lost my sense of humor thanks to a dementor. I learnt to copy paste and format like a pro!

Ok sarcasm apart, yes I did learn a little bit of Data Analysis, but other than that, it’s been an inwards journey in search of my real self.  If I need to add another point, my CV has a stable track record of working in the same company for 2yrs now.

I have changed a lot as an individual; I’ve lost a lot of hair, and saw a couple of grey hair sprouting as well.  Apart from this; I’m a much stronger, saner and sensible woman today, who has finally accepted the harsh realities of life. Now I cherish and value every little moment of joy and I really did come around as an individual.

Finally, I’ve made peace with solitude.

I’m glad that I quit now. Life has come around and things are looking up. Most importantly, I’m not half as depressed.

Right now, I’m on the threshold of change and good tidings. I’m at peace with myself now, I actually feel like Buddha sometimes.

My version of Eat, Pray, Love is just around the corner!

Wish me luck

Peace Out!


janani comar said...

Simple and consise .. This is wat I felt .. But do I regret ??? Nosireee I don't .. I know life has something round the corner !!!

Anamika Sureka said...

definitely! life has some thing more beautiful and satisfying for you in the next year and you know it too :)