Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Perfect Mini Tamasha

Every little occasion in a family is a little Tamasha in itself. When people meet; conversations happen, gossip flows freely, sparks fly and drama is inevitable!

To concoct the Perfect Mini Tamasha, you will need the following ingredients


An entire week of work commitments
3 Hyperventilating people
3 Best Friends, who will double up as pacifiers
3 Days full of nail biting tension
1 Brother to ease out your tension
1 unexpected cyclone
A Couple who resemble a bundle of nerves
A Jam packed hall full of people
1 full day of exhaustion

To Garnish:

A liberal dose of Murphy’s Law
Bunch of intrusive people, who will double up as *advisors*
Don’t forget Drama

Preparation Time:  

Initial Preparation 15-30 days
Final Touches - 1 Week
Event - 5 hours

How To:

After finding the Perfect Bakra, Ok, the Perfect Boy (Happy?), Meeting his sister and then his family, and after being approved from both sides. Duly printed Horoscopes are taken to the Mama from West Mambalam again for choose *Auspicious Dates*. Discussions happen around ideal dates and finally once a mutually convenient date is fixed, preparations begin.

First, begin with spreading the news, Oldies or the Opinion Leaders in the family would ask you to ideally keep quiet until it becomes official. Don't go around telling all and sundry is the catchphrase. 

Once you are done with keeping the big secret to yourself and only telling the very important people in your life, you start with preparation.

Be open to a lot of different ideas, clashing opinions and truck loads of unwanted gyaan. Everybody in your line of sight will have to tell you something very important. Keep calm, eat chocolate cake and use your ears to their full capacity.

Start with your very basics like - identifying the right saree. Start as early as possible, even if you start choosing outfits a couple of months before the engagement, you will still want to change your mind. Go about choosing the right beauty parlour, fix an appointment. Meanwhile keep hounding your tailor.

When you have your blouses stitched and other appointments fixed, cross check again, the blouses may not fit you properly, run around for alteration again. 

1 Week before the D-Day

If you thought this wasn’t enough, decide to be a Hands-on-Bride to be. Continue slogging at work and stay back as and when possible. Tag around with your parents, go ring shopping, gift trays shopping, Dry-Fruits tasting, and even gift wrapper shopping.

3 Days before the D-Day

Murphy’s Law comes into play! An unexpected cyclone comes around and ruins your shopping plans for the day. Head back home and chill with a tumbler of Filter Kaapi.

2 Days before the D-Day

Invite the boy home to meet the parents (yeah, my folks saw him two days before the D-Day). Sudden plans like going to the boy’s place to celebrate his Nephew’s birthday will crop up. So hurry up, and run to the parlour again to do your eyebrows and waxing.

At this point your mehendi wali will not be able to make it on time, start hyperventilating, summon Plan-B and call on a Mehendi wala this time. Get done with one part of the Tamasha and sleep in peace.

1 Day before the D-Day

Don’t stop with just plain shopping, go out and buy fruits also. Please ignore the fact that you’ve had a skin lightening facial a couple of days ago. Take up the responsibility of wrapping everything neatly with cling foam wrappers, stick a bow on them and pierce roses for good measure.

Continue doing everything humanely possible to avoid last minute panic attacks.

On the D-Day

Keep calm, or atleast try to. Don’t go around telling Amma, - I want to throw up right now, my tummy aches, I’m very scared and the likes. You will feel the intensity of writing a Maths Paper with Integral and Differential Calculus, combined with Security and Portfolio Management. Trust me, it’s worse than that.

At this point, people at home will insist that you eat something every now and then, if they offer a couple of bread slices on the way to the Mandapam, don’t act smart and say I don’t feel like it. Shut up and eat it. If possible carry an extra apple or two and don’t forget to hide it from your gluttony 12yr old cousin.

Once you are inside the Mandapam, be quiet; keep your giggles and roaring laughter to yourself. If somebody comes in to check on you, give them a smile. Don’t worry; every single member of your family will want to have a closer look of your face, makeup, jewellery and everything else on you. Listen to all that unwanted gyaan and continue seeking Inner Peace.

After 90 mins of waiting in a heavy Silk saree, the esteemed Vaadiyar mama will call you on stage, watch your step and pray that you don’t trip on the floor. Once on stage, resist the urge to wave and blow flying kisses at the jam packed crowd.

Before you realize what’s happening, you will be ushered in for Round-2 of saree draping. Now, the aforementioned relatives will all want to squeeze inside the room. If you want to scream at them, do so in your head.

The real tamasha starts now, continue wearing your demure smile. Sometime later you would have exchanged rings, do your Namaskarams (don’t be a dodo like me, I missed mine).

You will be introduced to every single friend and relative who decided to grace the occasion, keep nodding and smiling at the same time. When the photo sessions happen, learn to ignore the crowd and continue posing like a pro. Remember not to grin too much and also blush a little.

After almost every single soul in the crowd has dispersed and what feels like a million years they will ask you to eat. Now thank your Amma for insisting that you eat a couple of bread slices on your way.

Once all this is done, you say tata-bye bye to the rest of the junta, breathe out a sigh of relief jump into the car, and listen to Saroja Samaan Nikalo on your way back.

Day After the D-Day

Spend the first half of the day cleaning the room which smells like weird concoction of Jasmine and Roses. Sleep through the rest of the day and wait for the feeling of being engaged to sink in.


Medha Natarajan said...

Wow, nichyadhartham ayirtha? congrats :)

Sandhya Iyer said...

Medha, Yes yes, ennaliye namba mudile, but aiydthu :P Thanks a bunch!
PS: Thanks a ton for your wonderful comments on my previous post! You made my day :)

Do keep coming back!

Shilpa Ramji said...

Awesome account....... dejavu :) :)

Shilpa Ramji said...

Awesome account.....dejavu :) :) :)

kumar said...

For me the day was made by your shortly-going-to-be sister-in-law Krithika, who introduced herself to us, told us about her and regretted that we didn't sing when I told her Kamal's musical coordinates. A lovely person - it's great to have a naaththanaar like that.
The day was also marked by your complete 'lostness', which I have not seen in you even during my classes on Business Valuation (that's a subject in which even I get lost sometimes).
I was wondering if this was the original Sandhya or a duplicate (shades of Sharmeelee). Relieved after reading your blog. It was my daughter after all.

Love, Kumar

The Chronic Cribber said...


- A Huge Fan and a well wisher !! :-)

Unknown said...

Congrats Madame :)

Ananth said...

Congrats :)

Sandhya Iyer said...

Shilpa - Thanks di :) Trust me, you weren't nervous at all. You shud have seen me :P
Kumar Sir: I was plain nervous sir, that's precisely why I looked very lost. :)
Chronic Cribber - Thanks and do keep reading
Unknown(?) - Thanks
Ananth - Thanks :D

Susan Deborah said...

I was thinking of mini meals and mini tiffins and mini idlisbut definitely not of an engagement.

Congrats and butterflies as you await the mega tamasha! After that mega tamasha, life will become a greater tamasha. But it is all fun, anyway :)

Joy always,

Sandhya Iyer said...

Hey Susan, thanks a bunch for dropping by!
I was thinking on the same lines when I worded the title,this Mini Tamasha is a prelude to many more Tamashas :)