Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Two years on..

2013 started on a beautiful note, things were moving forward as planned. Wedding preparation was in full swing; I was on full-on Bridezilla mode and couldn’t be more excited. Yeah, I was nervous deep down inside, but you don’t go around telling people how nervous you are, especially when there’s a weird infectious energy enveloping everybody. It was supposed to be the year of new beginnings and abundant happiness.

The wedding was a grand success and there was a fair amount of drama that ensued between the families. I don’t think I can write about it, without kicking up an unnecessary storm that only means more Karan Johar like drama.

The last one and half years of my life have been terribly upsetting. I was extremely homesick to start with; I would miss Amma’s cooking, every time I ate something bland, Appa’s coffee when the coffee was too dark and bitter, Adi when somebody shouted at me or when I needed some company. 
It only intensified when I moved to Delhi, I was longing for some semblance of comfort in a strange city and not so familiar people.

Things worsened when the people around me decided to judge me and ridicule every action of mine. At one point, a certain somebody remarked that I wasn’t family and nobody actually spoke up for me. Over the months it only snow balled into something I couldn’t handle; my privacy was being invaded, I was treated like a errant child and to top things off, there was too much interference on how I lived my life. People thought I’d give them Prima Donna treatment, with little regard for my choices.

The darkest moment came in October that year, when I was diagnosed with inflamed tonsils. It was something as simple as that, the condition was blown out of proportion and I was coerced to undergo an effing tonsillitis surgery much against my wishes. In the meantime, my professional life had taken a beating, I was trying to look for work around Delhi and every place was either too far or not to my liking. It was personal and professional turmoil at its best.

That’s when I started diving into jars of Nutella, takeaway Chinese and overloaded myself with chocolates of every kind. I started gaining loads of weight, kept falling sick; I would cry all day long, spend sleepless nights worrying about what I had turned into. There was a point when I had forgotten how to smile, not exaggerating it one bit. I was bloody depressed and decided to keep things to myself by putting on a facade of being “fine”.

It took me more than a year to pick up the broken pieces of life and put them together. 2014 was all about finding my feet, and no it isn’t as easy as that. People were still meddling with my life and I wanted to put an end to my misery. I could have picked up the phone and turned it into a ghastly drama, and drag everybody through the hall of shame. Instead, I chose to ignore them, which was easier said than done.

The real challenge was in rebuilding my life from scratch, I had become this whiny, sad and depressed woman I did not recognise anymore! Thankfully, I had people who I could reach out to, cry my lungs out, crib about my life, and spell out my fears and frustrations. Those were the longest six months of my life. I’m glad that I had them around otherwise I’d be bloody lost. By this time, my corporate career had come to a dead end, nobody hires you when you have goddamned long break.  

It was then, I decided to do what I’d been meaning to do since I was a teenager, become a teacher. I enrolled in an English teacher training course this January after British Council rejected my CELTA Application. The last three months have been the best three months in a long time; I thoroughly enjoyed studying, participating in the classes and writing assignments. I completed the course today morning, and it was a bittersweet moment. I was sad that it was over, but I was glad that I rose above the cesspool of depression and did something worthwhile with my life.

I’m looking forward to the good things that life might have in store for me. I have vowed never to let people get the better off me and never be depressed ever again. Here’s hoping that 2015, turns out to be a really good year, both personally and professionally!

Fingers crossed!