A Strange Mixture of Sanity and Insanity

Source Code

2012-01-29T21:12:00.000+05:30

Sometime back opened my Inbox to see a mail from a softwarecompany I had never applied to. I studied computer science in college; but thatdoesn’t qualify me as a software engineer. Am not too sure if every so-calledsoftware engineer is a coding-whiz, but I know I’m not. The job profile read –Java Developer.

Around the same time a couple of school kids next doorwanted me to help them in writing C programs for a project. I tried wrigglingout of it with a couple of tried and tested excuses; none of them seemed towork. I cursed my horrible luck and got down to working with them. ThankfullyTurbo C’s blue screen said “No errors Found”.

If there something that gives me creeps after solving calculusproblems, it has to be coding. During my three of undergrad I suffered fromwhat was known as *coding-phobia*. A Prof used to mock at my programs saying theycould use my programs for the debugging competitions; nobody would ever be ableto solve them.

Either ways I wasn’t very fond of coding. I walked into thatinstitute wanting to pursue their Journalism course, but fate had other plansfor me. A couple of years into the battle with C, C++, Java and the likes Ifigured I wasn’t meant to code, I decided I’d rather jump out of the ITbandwagon. When the 50 women in my class were all planning to join either ITcompanies or masters in IT or get married; two of us decided to join Managementcourses, one was a wannabe Investment Banker and the other a wannabe Marketingwhiz. For the record, neither of us are pursuing what we wanted to.

Then came around the MBA; struggle with Finance, goofing upan Economics paper, truck loads of case studies, finding my feet, dealing with corporate,flunking a Man-Ac paper, Anna Univ’s paper correction and reevaluation and moremumbo-jumbo. Even whilst all this was happening, the time to choose the rightjob was thrust upon my already pressurized brain. I was dead sure I wanted dosomething that was interesting and not numbers related.

Here again, I was goofing up interviews, screwing up thelast rounds, missed my chance of being absorbed into the Internship Company andthen purposely screwing up a Big-Four Audit Company because I did not wantfinance. There was one sexy IT company offering something called; FunctionalConsultant, dint make the cut and settled for something called Market Research.

I assumed it was the right choice, because I dint have toomany choices up my sleeve then, if you had known me during the first few monthsof 2010, you’d surely empathize. I still wanted go on a wild goose chase; Iapplied to companies for Client Servicing knowing pretty well that theirpackage was half of what I would be earning. I saved up money for a BritishCouncil Course, my mom promptly made a Fixed Deposit of it.

Some people think I’m a numbers person because my dad is anex-banker and a Chartered Accountant and mom is a banker. Most of them don’t realizeI was made differently. People still raise their eyebrows when I try to explainMarket Research; most of them confuse it with a BPO. A few of them are upsetthat I’m not a banker like my parents. Most of them think I should simply joinsome good IT company and settle down.

Talking about IT companies beingsafe havens for girls, my best friend walked into their Bandwagon as aTechnical Writer or Instructional Designer. Am sure the oldies are very happyabout her choice. While we were discussing the companies hiring, she mentionedabout a company in Udupi paying a fancy sum luring people into doing market researchon Computer Games.

How I wish these guys would dosome solid research on Makeup, beauty, food, healthy eating and what not! Trustme; I can talk in depth about crème amplified and a frost lipstick with theease of a connoisseur. I will be more than happy to identify the TotalAvailable Market for Lindt or Ritter. I can yak nonstop about how goodflaxseeds are for your health! If onlythey did…

Guest Post - A Slice of Yours-Truly

2012-01-05T20:26:00.001+05:30

Here's the first official post of 2012, turns out to be a guest post by a really good friend of mine. First things first, A! Thank you so much for this awesome post, I don't know if anybody would like to say something like this about me anytime soon. It's not everyday you come across people who you get along with like a house fire, especially when you contact each other on Gtalk and phone calls! =P AM, is my rockstar, soul-sister and lost twin from my previous birth. If you want to be best friends with her, invite her over and serve "Milk-Powder-Waali Chai" :P No more Kolaveri Ok?
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Life can get pretty random in a lot of ways and more oftenthan not, we spend our entire life figuring things out but here is a gal whotakes all the randomness of life in her stride and is even able to laugh at it.That’s one quality I love about her. Sheis let’s say (in her style) ‘S’.

When life gave ‘S’ lemons, here is what she did with them:

1. She made lemonade, everyone does that!

2. She threw some at her enemies.

3. She grew some of her own.

4. And after she was done drinking her lemonade,she sold it and made money and then invested it in enviable items! Haah, that’s‘S’ for you!

And that’s why I call her my hero. She always manages to winboth the ‘wins’ in the ‘win-win’ situation, metaphorically speaking! Since Ihave been asked to write for her blog, I assume, I am allowed to sound random.

Her blog is something that I envy coz firstly she regularlyupdates it. Secondly the content; time and again she writes about people sheloves, hates, loves to annoy, hates to please and so on but what remainsconsistent is her ability to laugh at everything at the end of the day.

Many might know this about her but I find it remarkable thatshe is a Chennai-ite who eats her humble idli-sambhar and a pompous northIndian meal with equal gusto. She can even dish out some fancy sounding dishesand even though she hasn’t had (assuming here ;) ) these drinks, she can tellapart a bubbly from a soda. And yes, her taste in movies is as universal as thefood she eats and love.

I might sound like I am writing a version of ‘Eat, Pray,Love’ for my dear friend. Well she is a bit like every girl yet a nomad in herown way who likes to think ambitious, do different things and thingsdifferently and yet, is reasonable in her choices so as to fit well in thesociety. You might be confused, lemme explain with an example. I mentioned sheis ambitious, but now read this in reference with guys. I might not knoweverything about her life but by now I have gathered that she wants a LeonardoDi Caprio with a heart of Salman Khan, class and intelligence of James Bond buthis name should sound something like that of a ‘South Indian’ or ‘Tam-Brahm’guy so that her parents wouldn’t mind. And oh yes, he must sound either like FaisalKapadia or Shafqat Amanat Ali! Phew, only if God took orders for customization!:P

Her choice might sound extravagant but trust me, shedeserves it! She too has a lot to offer but is not the one to brag! Actuallyshe is Ms. Know-it-all but will never show-it-all unless asked. But mind it,never ask coz once she begins, there is not stopping this word-express but ofcourse, she aims to please! Right ‘S’? ;)

Well, I might not know her past or future but the best partabout my friendship with her is that I have always known about her present, hertoday… and the little time we spend chatting, I guess it makes it up for thelost years of friendship and chatting. Actually now when I think of it, even ifI had to know her from the time she was born, I would have lost only 2 or 3years without her coz I learnt to speak only at the age of 2 or 3 but she usedher entire vocabulary in the very first month after she was born so thankfully,I wouldn’t have lost much, or would I have lost my hearing by now? Who knows!Surprisingly the way we get along and the way we know each other, we didn’tactually take too much time, so both of us ponder over it even now as to howcould it have been so easy and only if it was so easy to find a guy like that!Hai na ‘S’? :D

Well, all I know is that guys or no guys, we gals r here tostay with our chats and comedy that can set someone on fire :D

Rock on ‘S’!

– A huge fan! :D

Adieu 2011

2012-01-01T21:06:00.000+05:30

This post is coming in late by 24hrs thanks to the brilliantefficiency of BSNL’s Broadband Connection.

At the outset I’m very glad that the year is finally drawing toan end. If duality as a concept can be applied to life; 2011 would be it.

Amidst truck loads of epic-fails, bouts of ennui and hordesof shopping, peppered with familial responsibilities; I’ve learnt invaluable lessonsthat will hold me in good stead for a long time to come.

There have been moments of unbridled joy, exasperation andplain despondency. All along, I lived in the belief that there is light at theend of the tunnel. Sometimes I have this weird feeling that somebody actuallystole the lantern which was kept at the end. Whoever it is, please return it.

I’ll start with shopping first; the folks at Health &Glow are smiling their way to Bank, because of yours-truly. I’ve always lovedmake-up, a part of my childhood was spent rummaging thru my Chitti’s stash andyears later, I have my own. Believe me,when I tell you Coral Red Lipstick can actually brighten up your day. Andpouting can do even better ;) I gifted myself a sexy diamond nose-ring for my24^th. I went on to purchase Gold, precious stones and Silver for aninsane amount. I have no idea what I will do with a Silver Kutti Vilaku.

On the family front; I turned into the cook and thecaretaker. Cooking according to me is a great stress-buster; chopping onionsand tomatoes like a maniac after a bad day is as good as a chocolate pedicureat the parlour. Coming to the Caretaker part; Amma hurt her head, underwent asurgery and met with an accident all in the same year. Horrible stuff I know!This had me doubling my roles. It takes superhuman effort to keep a family of 4happy and content. And Amma you are *God*! I did this for half a year and you’vebeen doing this for 26yrs; Total Respect!

2011 marked the completion of 19 months of Corporatization. Ilearnt a lot of things the hard way; appraisals can be quite disheartening,patience and hard work might work in your favour in the long run. Keeping you atab on your emotions can save you a lot of unwarranted trauma. Mostimportantly, never mix work and personal life.

The best of the year was truly saved for the last. Thismight border on bragging; I’d still go ahead and spill the beans. All thesavings plans matured themselves into one little piece of land 80kms off Chennai!

Song of the Year – describes my feelings tothe T.

PS: On an after-thought I think I should add a disclaimer on my Tam-Matri profile; "Spark Plugs and Zippo are not sold here. If you want Sparks, please set yourself on fire."

Here's your Spark Ammunition:

People and the Place

2011-12-25T22:55:00.001+05:30

A handful of incidents came together to spark off an idea; arandom conversation between my mom and an uncle involving her friend, a friendfrom the ex-company who had called to ask me for gift ideas, and a verypoignant article in the Readers Digest.

None of these incidents are connected, but somehow all ofthem put together did make sense to me. I’ll tell you how and why. Sometime back, Amma and an Uncle werediscussing about somebody they knew in common and that was her friend. What myUncle couldn’t fathom was – how can you have friends at work? Those people arecalled colleagues. I walked into the corporate world with the same notioningrained in my system.

When Senthil had called a couple of days back, I was meaningto get in touch with him for a long time, only to realize that I had lost hisnumber. We got discussing about the company, on how much it had changed frombeing Jurassic Park to Joggers Park in the last 13 odd months, aboutex-employees who had made a comeback and life in general. Suddenly heremembered why he’d called – they were playing Secret Santa; he wanted me tohelp my ex-Team Lead choose a gift for another friend. Quite a long shot, but what took me bysurprise was the fact that they zeroed on me to choose a gift for Shilpa.

There was an article in the Readers Digest some 3-4 monthsby this guy who was reminiscing about the man who taught him the ways aroundduring his first job. It traces the journey from how he found the senior prettyirritating in the beginning, grew to liking him and how much he missed him oncehe left the company.

Am sure you are still wondering what connects these three;it is my corporate life. I’ve been on the salaried class list for like 19months now, quit my first job in 6 months flat, moved to another company andbeen sticking out like a sore thumb ever since. 13 months and counting in the current job, Iwalk into the place every morning with a steadfast smile plastered on my faceand with that flicker of hope that today will be better than yesterday. I look around and see a lot of faces; sadly Idon’t connect with any of them.

To clear the clouded brain off the confusion I received thefollowing pieces of advice:

You don’t go to work to make friends, they simplyhappen. – Best Friend

They are paying you no? Then why are you screaming? –Liverpool FC Loving Boy Aka A

And here’s the best piece of Corporate Gyaan I received frommy first boss. When we walked out of a particularly bad client call, I wasshell shocked by the intensity. It was my first ever project. This is what hehad to say “Yahan pe, aise hi hota hai.Ek din khud seekh jaoge”.

My interpretation of the same would be – Kuch log seekh jaate hai aur kuch log sehnaseekh lete hai.

Bottomline: I’ve learnt to live with it, being alone is definitelynot that bad a thing. End of the day, it’s the experience that counts. The restof them are plain props.

PS: Santa, I’ve been a very nice girl all through this post.I haven’t used a single swear word, that I planned to use. So, here’s what Iwant – a Punching Bag, slick black gloves and don’t forget that helmet. Ipromise to put them to good use.
PS1: If you think I need classes on how to make friends and not feel weird-ed out, I have an answer, I will simply say - Eff-Off.
PS2: A colleague told me people thought I was weird, I would request you to read PS1. I have better things to do in life than worry over inconsequential issues like this.
PS3: This post was meant to make my point clear - I don't give a rat-ass about what you think about me :)

– Peace Out

My Little One

2011-11-09T00:57:00.000+05:30

Dear A,

When the clock strikes 5.55AM you will be*gasp* 19! At the cost of sounding super clichéd, I seriously can’t believe youare in your last teen year. Amma still reminds me of how I was wailing in that3^rd floor Bangalore apartment screaming *I want a sister and not abrother*. On a second thought and after 19yrs, I have come to the conclusionthat you were better off being a boy. I have had my girly fun with you; bydressing you up in my favourite pink frock, I think I fooled a couple ofonlookers by telling them that you were Aditi, my sister. Ok, now don’t kill me– your birthday gift is still under my control =P

Next year this time, people will be hounding you with theworld’s most redundant questions; what do you plan to do - Work or Study? Youwant to go to the USA? You are writing CAT or GRE? I’m sure you’ll answer thesequestions with your trademark sense of humor and twinkle in your eye – Maami, Iplan to do an MBBS after this.

If you are still wondering why I’m writing all this – here ismy answer. I got this sudden inspiration from the movie kuch kuch hota hai,where Rani Mukherji writes letters for her daughter to be opened on her birthdayevery year. I know, I’m not Rani Mukherji, our life is not a movie, this is nota letter and you are not my son.

Harping on the first point, I still can’t believe you’vegrown up so fast… It was like yesterday when I was messing around with yourtoys, carrying you around the house and dropping you at all the odd places,fighting with you over that yellow pen-pencil, taught to ride that bicycle withside-wheels, like I walked to your LKG classroom and checked on you during the recess,dividing that chips packet into two equal parts and wiping them out with sauce,listening to Dil Chahta Hai on the cassette player over and over again untilthe spool came out! - I think those werethe best days of our lives!

Suddenly you are 5.8’ with that wannabe Surya type gym bodyand a soul-patch; you’ve become grown up and responsible. You drive me aroundthe place and give me life saving gyaan, when I was supposed to be the olderand mature one.

Since this my blog and I’m the supposedly so-called olderone, I’ll give you some gyaan based on my experiences with life so far. I’lltry and keep it short – shorter than your Thermodynamics Prof. Promise. Pleasecontinue reading ok?

Be serious about your education, student life is bliss andthe carefree atmosphere makes it worthwhile. While you are at it, enjoy to thehilt, grab every opportunity that comes your way and give it your best shot –making sure your scores don’t dip.

Take care of Appa and extra for Amma – extra because Appa isvery strong, but Amma is not. She needs that extra bit – go out with her oncein a while even if it is to a Gita Class or the temple when she has prayed foryou. It will make her super happy! She is super sensitive so don’t do anythingthat will hurt her intentionally – the woman is too fragile to take shocks.

Nothing comes easy in life; take a couple of sensible risks.Failure is a part of the package but don’t let it bog you down.

Have enough space for everybody in your life; there are goodones, bad ones, evil scheming ones and jackasses. You’ll have to deal with thelast category more often than not, so build on your patience reserve. Just becausethere are such random jackasses, doesn’t mean you have to be cold with theworld at large. Be yourself and learn to ignore them. Hope that makes sense.

Make clear-cut choices on what you like and don’t like and thesame applies to what you want to do. If you think something is not your cuppa,let it go, there are a million other options out there.

Fall in love – it’s ok to get your heartbroken once orreject a couple of proposals. Yes, youcan bring home a karuppi or a veluppi of your choice – seriously! But not both –remember you are not Siddarth from Ayutha Ezhuthu ;)

Develop a hobby or learn something, travel the world,experience new things, play a sport or just about anything that catches yourfancy. If you think Photography is your forte – explore the subject and keeplearning. You never know what might comeout of it. Don’t shy away from experimenting.

When you decide to make life altering choices; weigh downyour pros and cons – take your time, but don’t let the gravity of the situationget to you.

Work for a couple of years before you decide to jump into the post-graduate bandwagon; you get to dabble on different areas before zeroing on your area of interest. This way you'll make better career and subject choices.

When you insist that your shoes are Nike, floaters areAdidas, perfume is Park Avenue and Essilor for your spectacles – don’t settlefor a lesser known college or a company; because you truly deserve the verybest of everything in this world.

Talking about jobs – give the top companies your best shot.Even if BMW hires exactly 5 people from your college; go for it, because not everybody gets to attend interact with companies of that caliber. Ifyou do make it, then there is nothing better than that! If you don't there's always a better company.

Don’t be in a hurry to quit your first job – a) you willregret that you lost out on opportunities b) always remember, vinashaa kaale vipareethabuddhi.

Don’t let work take a toll on your personal life, at workyou are only as good as your last appraisal. The good thing about working is; acertain amount gets credited into your account on the 1^st of everymonth – that’s the end of it. Your real appraisal happens outside work; where people value you for the person you are and the character you possess.

Money can only buy you a DSLR Camera and a brilliant Lenskit, but you need that happiness quotient to find time to take pictures andexperiment with it. Spend time with people whom you love and treasure. Investin relationships and nurture them; these offer the best Return on Investmentfor the rest of your life.

Dream and dream big! Follow your heart and do whatever youthink is right. The best way to make your dreams come true it to Wake-Up!Please don’t lose yourself in the milieu of life – make something happen.

Just live by what your name stands for – be like the sunshining on us through the good and bad times of life and bringing in cheer andspreading happiness wherever you go with whatever you do!

Lots of Love,

Daffy Duck!

PS: I tried to keep it short; I hope you lasted thru 1000odd words

PS1: I sincerely hope amma doesn’t land on this page.

Dreams Unlimited

2011-10-07T23:45:00.001+05:30

Doesn't the title sound like a Bollywood Production House? But this is not about a Bollywood movie and neither is my life like one – Happy Endings. Every time I assume this is a Happy Ending, some random director decides to change the script.

Family, Friends, Well-wishers, Acquaintances, Jealous Junta alike have drilled the same thing into our systems. Analogies of this would be Religion and Fairy tales. Religious preaching uses different tones, different languages, different places to convey the same moral; God is one. In Fairy Tales; good wins over evil. And the above mentioned junta preaches this; Follow your Dreams.

Everybody’s favorite question the minute they spot me is; “what do you do?” when I unsuccessfully try to explain what I do for a living, the next question pops up “What do you want to do after this? “. The first part is easy to field, the second one leaves me stumped, LBW, Caught and Bowled, Hit-Wicket and everything else in one question!

It is not the lack of ambition; it is the presence of too many. Sometime back in college, we had taken up this personality test called the Myers Briggs Indicator test and the result was an ENFJ. The results were reasonably accurate. People, communication and creativity have always been my strong points.

I can write fairly coherent sentences; thus I’d love to be a writer. The love affair with words started back in school when my English teacher started using my compositions and answer scripts as industry benchmarks. I was super proud of myself to say the least; somehow I never took her too seriously. I want to write; Love letters, SOPs, Recommendation Letters, movie reviews, food reviews, Yoga, nutrition, losing weight, creating different looks, mouthwatering recipes. I enjoy playing around with words and in most cases it comes rather naturally to me.

I want to run and maintain an awesome food blog which serves as a one stop spot for all wonderful recipes on planet earth, vegetarian of course. I want to cook everything from simple vengaya sambar to melt in your mouth chocolate chip cookies, from soft, succulent yet crispy aloo tikki to the spongiest chocolate truffle cake and treat my readers to some truly mouthwatering pictures.

I’d like to teach History, English or Marketing and be that teacher who inspires and garners the respect of a bunch of students. If not proper academics; I would love to teacher Special Children. An MSc., in Psychology has been running in my head ever since I visited a school for these children. I was so moved by the dedication of these folks that its spurred on another area of interest in the never ending wish list. I would even love to teach something offbeat and niche like Power Yoga or Tai-Chi; I’d have to master these first.

These were ideas on top off my head and if you still want me to remain loyal to the MBA degree of mine. Then I’d probably opt for something that deals with hardcore marketing; branding, designing marketing strategies, coming up with rib ticking or thought provoking ad campaigns or client servicing. If not any of these at least something like consumer research and understanding consumer behavior sounds like a great option.

I would want to associate myself with biggest brands and work for the biggest clients. I want to make a difference in whatever I do.

“That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!” ~Calvin

Rephrasing Calvin; I don’t want one thing, I want an indelible S.Iyer trademark on anything that I decide do, but I have no idea where to start. From wanting to be an actress at 4 to a singer at 8 and a journalist at 18; I’ve lost count of the number of roles I’ve wanted to play. I want to be everything; a teacher, singer, famous blogger, a culinary expert, a super-sexy makeup artist. I don’t want to end up being just another Mundane Mortal. I don’t want plain existence; I’m in search of that proverbial calling.

After all this mumbo-jumbo on a sleepless Friday night; you know what I’ll get back to being on Monday morning; A boring, lonely and stupid copy-paste-format Analyst.

– Amen

Quirks – Fetish– OCD

2011-09-20T22:48:00.001+05:30

All of us have a classic set of quirks. Quirks are sub personality traits, traits are your defining characteristics and OCD is overdoing a few of them. A common thread that connects all of these is – fetish. Let’s face it I have a few of them as well, so I might as well pen them down to see how many we score.

Ok, I’ll start with my favorite and worst quirk – I can’t and don’t share chocolates. I’d rather eat it in small portions all myself instead. Here’s a catch; I’m not this mean all the time, I share it with people who are super close to me; like Family and Best Friends. To the rest of the world, sorry people, try again next time.

I love stationary! You name it I love it; starting with funky and nice smelling erasers to sharpeners with lids, mechanical pencils, Pencils with erasers at the back , Stick-on Notes, Classmate and Nightingale Notebooks I love them all! I heart pencils, erasers and notebooks. Yes in that order. Next time you spot a 5’3 girl standing by the stationary aisle glancing lovingly at every item in the display don’t laugh at her.

I’m not a very pink loving person – contrary to popular belief Pink is not my favourite colour. For the record, I have exactly one pink lipstick, one pink wallet and zero pink clothes. I’m more of a colour loving person; purples, blues, greens, yellows and even oranges – I love them all!

I don’t eat a cream biscuit right away; I finish the plain one first and then eat the plain part of the cream part, lick the cream and finish off the biscuit with teeny weeny bites. Talking about food, I peel the skin of green grapes before I pop them in.

I’m an Aquaphile. I drink like 5-6 liters of water a day. I start feeling dehydrated and sick if my daily quota isn’t complete. I don’t need a reason to gulp it down. I count calories like a crazy woman and I freak over every time I cross that 1200 Calories/ day mark.

I love my feet. Period. I have naturally soft feet thanks to good genes, but I go that extra mile to moisturize them morning and evening religiously. I have a separate foot cream, I obsess over my feet. Trust me, you’ll never find my feet with chipped nail polish. I fuss over my skin and hair as well, I hate breakouts on my face and on any of those rare occasions, I apply every single herbal concoction on them to heal them faster. I’m a total skin care addict!

I’m not very fond of anything that’s plain – no vanilla cakes for me please. I enjoy decorating places; even if it’s my desk at work, there HAS to be a personal touch (me loving my job has nothing to do with this =P)

I ruin the last pages of every single notebook I use. I scribble, write down notes in font size 1, or even sign across the page, but the back covering is never left empty. I do that on front covers on occasions when the last page is full.

Off late, my fetish has shifted towards makeup. From a simple Aloe-Vera Gel, Eye liner, Kajal and Lip Balm loving girl, I’ve turned into this full blown makeup addict. I own 6 lipsticks, 2 lip-glosses, 1 lip-conditioner, 1-eye shadow quad, eyeliners in black, blue and green, eye pencils in green and violet, 2-Kajal sticks, pink blush, a set of Makeup Brushes, an Eye-lash Curler and a dozen nail polishes in rainbow colours. The list doesn’t seem to end anywhere. I’m loving this phase though =D

I guess we’ve reached the end of the tunnel now. I’ll give you the space and time to digest the randomness.

Cheers :)

Man and the Myth

2011-08-31T00:53:00.003+05:30

Caution: Cheesiness Ahead!

Finding the Right One has never been easy, it has always been the case of different people; different perspectives. Growing up on a staple of SRK, Maniratnam, and Karan Johar movies; their influence over a young mind is hard to ignore. With that for a foundation, Mission Finding Nemo was formulated.

To the rationalist; he is the ultra responsible righteous young man, who has his mind and heart in the right places. Sensibility, sensitivity and sanity are important factors; a sense of humor and a funny bone are non-negotiable. So this includes the other done to death but equally important adjectives like respectful, well-educated, caring, blah blah and blah.

To the dreamer Nemo is The One; not to be confused with Ra-One. He is the super man –A rimless glasses wearing geek who is tall, little wheatish, dreamy deep brown eyes with super clear skin and a clean shaven face. Yes, I totally lurrveee geeks. They are the ultimate manifestation of human race. From Investment Bankers to Chartered Accountants to Scientists, if you can talk a language that I can’t fathom – your awesomeness quotient goes up by a 100 times.

Being geeky is not the only qualification, there has to be more than what meets the eye. Let’s start with creativity – I totally admire and adore creative men – if you can sing / write / play a musical instrument or something that adds the vital zing factor. It would be great if you could be somebody like Farhan Akhtar from Rock-On; Investment Banker by the day, Singer during the later part of the day. But please don’t be a broke dude like Arjun Rampal in the same movie.

Playing a musical instrument is equally sexy! I don’t want you to be one of those run of the mill guitarists and plus guitar is overrated ok? Everybody from local Karthik to Actor Surya think they are Elvis Presleys in the making. I personally prefer something different and classy – Violin or Drums maybe?! Yeah, a violinist or a drummer who can sing anything from simple Shankarabharanam to Heavy Metal! And if you sing “Tum Ho Toh Gaata Hai Dil” and dedicate it to me, I will cry. Promise!

I have a strange fetish for - Flawless English, Impeccable Grammar and a neutral accent, no compromises will be made in this department. Not to forget Tamizh as well, please note the “zh”. I totally despise guys who pronounce Vazhaipazham as vayapayam! Same applies to English, no misplacing the pronouns and no local accent please! After all this, if you can’t speak proper Tam-Brahm accented Tamizh – outright reject!

Next in line is etiquette and demeanor; wearing the right accessories with the right clothes. I don’t want nemo to be one of those local boys with no dressing sense. The first time I see a guy, I notice the eyes and next his footwear, weird I know. So dear Nemo, if you wear formals, make sure you wear nicely polished shoes with matching socks. If you are dressing up casually don’t wear chappals. If you do, then I will lose every ounce of respect I had for you. And I will wholeheartedly support your love for football jerseys and other paraphernalia. So you can chill in that department.

Nemo, this is another non-negotiable term in the deal; you have to be a Foodie and I mean it. If you can appreciate Beans Paruppu-usili and Vendakkai Mor-Kozhambu as much as I do, then believe me we are made for each other. I want you to be a foodie in the true sense of word, the love for food and experimentation must come from within. An added advantage would be being a little encouraging when I’m on my culinary adventures. I won’t be very appreciative if you are a picky eater, beware!

I grew up in a semi-religious and orthodox family. Over the years I’ve imbibed a lot of values and turned out to be semi-religious as well. I believe in God and Karma, it would be an add-on if you share the same value system. If you come around doing “Sandhya-Vandanam”, I think I’ll let you get away with everything else.

I love being in the company of cheerful, funny, chilled out and sensible people. Obviously, you’d have to qualify in here. It’s perfectly ok if you are not a chatterbox, but make sure you are not wooden and sullen all the time. Please feel free to crack jokes no matter how silly they are, I will surely laugh. I have this ability to laugh at a joke even after years.

If you were to live happily ever after with me, patience is one virtue you’d have to epitomize. I tend to have horrible mood swings owing to PMS or sometimes randomly. If you think you can anticipate it, trust me you will never be able to, because my folks haven’t been able to do that over the last 24 odd years, and I sincerely doubt your abilities. So, don’t push too hard, just stay calm and the storm will pass. Promise, again.

I must tell you this; it’s quite easy to make me happy – a simple bar of good chocolate or chocolate truffle cake would do. I’m really not a shopaholic; your credit card is safe. But I love splurging when I feel like it; make sure the lipsticks, eye shadows, gel liners and blushes find their way into my kitty at regular intervals and hey, don’t forget clothes and good food. Here are more brownie points; I will not nag or try to keep a constant tab on you. I will respect your space and privacy, quite unlike the others who would want to know every itsy-bitsy piece of info. Breathe easy now!

PS: Dear Nemo, I’m sure you’ve the post in depth, and I suppose you agree on most points because, none of them are difficult ones. Yes, there will be exemptions for exemplary candidates, but the mediocre ones will necessarily have to go through this filter.

PS1: Dear Nemo, I hope you liked my post and I sincerely hope you haven’t lost your way or even worse got eaten by shark.
PS2: This post was initially titled Finding Nemo, but my friend A came up with a better suggestion.
PS3: I know Nemo is the baby fish and all that, but finding the right one is tougher than finding the little fish which got lost in an ocean.
PS4: Hope you agree with me :)

Magic Squares

2011-08-16T22:38:00.007+05:30

A couple of weeks back, my friend broke up with her boyfriend of 5yrs. The guy’s mother called of the relationship because – the horoscopes weren’t matching.

All along I’ve lived in this illusion that choosing your own guy / girl, saves you the trouble of astrologer hopping and horoscope matching. I thought that was the easiest way out, all you need to do is convince the family. Believe me Horoscopes matching for arranged marriages is even more complicated.

When my folks started looking out sometime last year, I assumed it would be as easy as choosing the right job. The veterans in this field had already warned me that the process isn’t easy, but it doesn’t take exceptionally long either. Armed with truck load of information, I was ready to Find Nemo. Horoscope matching sounded pretty simple going by the look of it; say something like “match the following”. There were 12 squares on each side and I thought the Mama in West Mambalam would simply give a rating and say “good to go”.

That unfortunately was not the case – horoscopes / profiles started getting rejected left right and center on both sides. It made no sense to the logic loving rational brain of mine. I wanted to raise my voice and question them about the credibility of their ratings. How can a man who knows nothing about me decipher what I am and what I am capable of being by looking at 12 squares? What’s funnier or questionable is – deciding how two unconnected individuals will get along on the basis of match the following.

The answers to these questions dint convince me enough, but this is what they had to say. This matching process is a scientific one apparently. There is some truth behind their ratings and each prediction is truly unique. The confusion begins here; of the 27 stars listed out, yours will match with 14 of them and each of them with different confidence intervals. If that’s not confounding enough, there’s more – the 12 squares that I initially mentioned. There are 9 planets in all; each of them will have specific places on your horoscope and have the ability to influence your life for good, bad and also the worst.

To add fuel to fire, they come up with intelligent stuff like “doshams”. These are nothing but good luck deficiencies in your horoscopes. And for each of this, there is always a pariharam – usually starts with harmless activities like going to a temple on a certain day at a certain time, if that fails then visit Kalahasthi to perform a Puja.

The entire hullaballoo baffles me. How can somebody’s prediction become the gospel truth of my life? Isn’t getting married supposed to be a logical and emotional process? Shouldn’t we be concentrating more on the guy and the girl liking each other than what the random stars have in store for them? If your matching concept is fool-proof, then tell me mama, how do these matches made in heaven end in divorces? Even after 6 months, this one concept that is totally beyond me.

The parody is – I’ve started doing the same thing. Every time I look at a profile, I mentally match the horoscope looking for the right stars and planets. I still don’t agree on what these old men have to say, but right now, I have no choice but to go with the flow.

Whilst rambling, I came across this –

You know what Mr.Panchapakesan, to me you are the Anna Hazare of Match-Making. I earnestly hope the senior citizens of the Horoscope-Obessessed-Tam-Brahm Society take you a wee bit seriously. And if they do, trust me, marriages will be made in heaven.

Moment of Silence

2011-07-05T13:34:00.004+05:30

I’m sure the topic caught you a little off the guard. Wonder why it’s been titled that way? Ok take a wild guess – Just about anything you can possibly think ok. I’m not going to crib about the system and this is not a solemn request to fight either.

Hint: FB Update! – Ok, if you haven’t read it. This one is for you.

I’ve been unbelievably quite since 8PM IST last night, thanks to a Dentist appointment. I jumped over to his clinic last Saturday hoping he’d extract my wisdom tooth which had been in the offing for like 2 months now. He acted like this “I’m the busiest dentist in the whole of Chennai” and asked me to come back on Monday evening. I agree, I should have postponed it by another 4 days, but I still went ahead. (I hear voices calling me the mad woman.)

And since then there has been only **silence**. I've never been this quiet all my life. Even after my double root canal way back in January, I was back to my *talking* self in a matter of 2hrs. But this time around, I’m rather surprised at the magnitude of pain and silence.

I’m sure a lot of you who’ve known me pretty well are rejoicing now. All those happy cheery moments might as well come to an end in another day or two’s time. So, until then you can stay happy, after that it’s going to be Ms Motormouth all over again! Yes, Ms PB Nair and Mrs LV. Your happiness is seriously short lived.

Being quite is not something that comes naturally to me. Like I’ve repeated this a million times and over in this blog; I am what the world calls an overly talkative and loud person. If I’m quiet for more than 20mins; I’m either pissed or sleepy. In either of these cases; I can still rant.

You know what? This silence of mine is pretty unnerving. I’m dying to listen to my voice. I love talking away to glory even when I have a horrible bout of cold. (I think I sound very nice then – Ok, personal opinions)

Since last evening, I’ve been on a writing spree. Now that I can’t talk and even a slight movement of my jaw hurts like crazy. I’ve resorted to writing. So much so that I’ve like wasted 4 sheets of paper in a matter of 12hrs, of which 8 went in sleeping.

All those Dumb-C practice sessions don’t work in situations like this. I tried asking Appa to drop me off at the road end because the roads were damn slushy. The poor man understood nothing of what I was trying to *mime*, so I gave up.

The worst part is – the lovely brother of mine was having the time of his life, bugging me with his “pesu Anjali pesu” dialogue.

After all this ranting, which amounts to 500 words approx, retribution to the same shall be – ICE CREAM. Say Hi to Hotel Saravana Bhavan’s 20 Ice cream flavours – I’m going to have a hard time choosing a flavour.

Owing to the deluge of questions, here are some FAQs for your clarification

What happened – Wisdom Tooth extraction.

Does it hurt? – No it doesn’t. It feels damn good!

Why aren’t you speaking – Because it hurts?

How long will it take to heal – Honestly, I have no idea. Now don’t say Get idea.

Are you taking medicines – Nah! I’m waiting for a miracle.

PS: Even when I cannot speak, I can still type. My fingers are super active (hyperactive might be a better word). So, if anybody plans to make fun of me – beware. I might just consider spamming your mail boxes or your gtalk windows.

PS1: I couldn't swear at the moron, who splashed *dirty muddy water* on my clothes today.

PS2: I had a strange feeling that a lot of eyes were staring at me while I was digging into my cup of Litchi Ice Cream. I think they caught me flaying my hands in the air, while I was trying to *mime* to a colleague.

PS3: So much for not being able to open my mouth. Now go ahead, and say a nice little prayer for my speedy recovery :P

Biz Jargons

2011-06-19T14:02:00.004+05:30

I read this article on" Classic Indian-English Terms" a couple of days back. Inspired by the article, I decided to jot down “Jargons” used by the junta at work. This coincides with completing One year and 3 weeks of working. *YaaaaY*

During this tenure; I’ve attending boring meetings, client calls which call for more work, workshops for team building and lots more that I can’t remember right now. Apart from all this, I’ve learnt one very important thing – never mention work in any of the posts and don’t describe what you do at work. Well, what I learnt at work can be another post.

Without much ado, let’s welcome the corporate terms!

Action Items – Simply means “tasks” that have to be completed. People make it sound like some ground breaking Gene-Therapy Concept.
Across the Board – No it has nothing to do with board games. It means – let’s have a meeting.
Benchmark – Damn! The last time I remember benchmarking was in school when the teacher asked me to get out for making too much noise. I had asked a friend to reserve a place for me on the bench. That was benchmarking.
Best Practices – logically, there can be nothing called a Best Practice. Okay, if you do have a best practice, then why isn’t it universally followed? I think there can be something called a Better Practice, but never a best.
Bring to the table – if you give me a day’s notice, then I can bring Carrot Halwa. But if you inform me at 6 in the morning, then it’s going to be “thenga potta carrot curry”.
Business Need –Dear boss, You should be knowing that. Don’t ask me “what” the business needs.
C-Level – In the beginning I thought it was a grade. I’ve always detested C grades, because my Math and Drawing teachers marked me C all the time. But the Corp world tells me; C-Level execs are the ones at the top of the ladder.
Competitive advantage – Something that only you can do better than the others. Yeah! I can eat chocolates day in and day out.
Core competencies – That’s more like your DNA. Only that, here you can modify them.
Deep Dive – literally means, dig deeper and deeper until you’ve reached rock bottom and lost your brains in the process.
Deliverable or Delivery – my mom laughs at me every time I tell her I have a delivery today.
Delivery Schedule –Usually its 9 months, sometimes its 8. I don’t know what you Business guys are talking about.
Drill-down – basically it’s thinking philosophically. Like; savouring a chocolate bar and thinking “where the hell did the cocoa beans come from!”
Engagement Models – This term gets me rolling all the time. Engagement models; next in line is delivery model.
Face-time – The only term I know that starts with face is facebook and I know I spend too much time on it.
Focus Group – I thought this was a magic troupe. Later figured out they are a bunch of guys working on something “strategic”.
Forward looking – Thinking way too ahead of time.
Gaining an Edge – More like jumping over buildings?
Good-To-Go – usually uttered when your senior has had enough looking at your “deliverable”. He / she dismisses it by saying “good-to-go”.
Going Forward – Moving ahead or in the future. Damn these business terms!
Granular – finer details. I want you to drill down the details to the levels of granularity. *poda*
Heads-up – You’d want your brother to give you a heads up when his friends are coming; because you don't want to be caught in shorts and t-shirts.
High Level – has nothing to do with getting *high*. It just means – from a higher up perspective.
Informed decisions – nobody is silly enough to jump into a well without precautions. Decisions are always taken when you are well informed.
Itemise – more like an action item. But this is the first step before identifying action items.
Keep Me in the Loop – not the dancing hoops. Your boss simply means “keep me in informed”.
Jog your memory – I cannot convince myself to jog every morning, why would I strain my memory?
Key takeaway – McD or Dominos? I really wish they gave me they keys; I’d spend my entire life surviving on French fries and cheese burst pizza.
Leverage – More like – use your brains silly.
Life-Cycle – they use this for products, projects, deliveries and everything under the sun. I’m reminded of A Butterfly’s lifecycle.
Limitations – a nicer way of say “this is all you get”
Low Hanging Fruit – means an easy target. I was imagining mango trees with lots of raw mangoes!
Meritocracy – HR junta LOVE this one. But it’s hardly followed. The least expected one gets promoted all the time.
Out of Office – the happiest of all terms! Means Boss inniki leave!! :D
Paradigm Shift – From Balaguruswamy to Any other Swamy – everybody thinks they sound like business leaders when they use this term.
Performance Oriented – or action oriented. I don’t know what you are talking about.
Ping – Not to be confused with the Penguin on Pogo called Pingu. Ping in their language is – drop in your ideas, I’ll make them my own.
Pipeline – projects in the pipeline. It’s funny when people say “our project pipelines are full at the moment”.
Push Back – not buttons; but projects. The project has been pushed back to accommodate other high priority projects.*Gasp*
Ramp-up – meaning, hurry up.
Reach out – Sounds like a very romantic term. It’s yet another funky term for “getting in touch” or “voicing your views”. Not like they care, but still.
Roll-Out – A project once completed is rolled out. I have rolled out only mats till date.
Scale up – Moving up or releasing a better version. I thought it was achieving an altitude while trekking.
Scratching the Surface – doing a very basic research. Reminds me of the term – “pulling my hair out” or the tam term "Paya perandardhu".
Seamlessly Merging – flawless execution.
Shooting the Right Areas – remember Haywards 5000 Ad? ;) Adhan! Adheee than :P
Snapshots – not mug shots, but a one slider that has the information your client wants.
Strategic – Why can’t you call it “planning”. The next best thing they come up with is – Strategic thought process.
Testing the Waters – Giving it a try. They make it sound like wriggling your toes in water.
Touch base – Get in touch.
Turnkey Solutions – I think it’s a solution that can be run with a press of a button or like in this case turn of a key.
Value addition – Think Doodhwala; remember the number of times you’ve asked him for “extra” or karuvelappalai and kothamalli at the market. Another example can be – aloe vera extracts in your shaving gel.
Value chain – first there is a preposition, then you add value to it. This entire process is your value-chain. *grrrr*
Wallet Share – I’m not sharing mine with you. :P Biz guys call this a break up of how much the clients spend on what.
Walk you through – often used; walk you through the presentation. I never knew I could walk through something that’s electronic.
What’s in Store – You make it sound like ordering something in a restaurant.
Work Life Balance – again, often used; but hardly works. Lesser said the better.
World class / Best in Class –Muhahahah!! Everybody wants to be the best.
Your Take – like you care. But it’s really sweet when they ask you for your opinions. In this case it’s called take.

The best of all is – At the end of the day!
After reading this, I'm sure you guys understand how attentive I am in the above said meetings and all that.
Feel free to shower your praises on me ;-)

This is my compilation. Go ahead and “do the needful” by adding your versions to it.

PS: to sort this in alphabetical order using Excel. DAMN!!
PS1: No offence meant to any of the "high and mighty" junta out there. All this is in good humor.

Himalayan Hangover!

2011-06-13T23:43:00.002+05:30

After numerous status messages on Facebook, texts to friends and generating major PR on how much I’m looking forward to the trek; I suddenly went off the radar. I don’t have excuses this time. I’ve kinda run out of excuses myself, so it would be awesome if you can chip in with a couple of plausible excuses.

I wrote a really sad looking rough draft during a client call only to realise that my handwriting has gone to the dogs for good this time and the same applied to my blogging skills. Pretty sad I must say.

So here’s an attempt to rekindle the almost dead blog of mine.

Last month this time a bunch of us boarded a train to Delhi. We had our own reasons to be out of work, one had chicken pox while the other was attending a workshop. A couple of us had told our respective bosses the truth – we were on a trek. And I had only 5 days leave sanctioned, so I conveniently got stuck in a hailstorm for 3 extra days ;)

If I were to sum it up in one word I’d say “Awe-inspiring”. Honestly speaking, I’m really not much of a trekker or a fitness freak. Wait a minute; I’m not even an outdoorsy person. There was something about the itinerary that pushed me to accept the challenge. I wanted to give it a shot with the sole purpose of pushing my limits. I had to do something to get out of the comfortable inertia I was settling into.

With that began the journey of 10 days from Delhi. Delhi is by far the “hottest” place I’ve been to. I thought Hyderabad was hot. And all you people who crib about Chennai being hot – give me a break. Seriously!

Now that I mentioned Delhi, we visited Akshardham. Of the two odd hours we spent there; the best part was the boat ride where we travelled through the history of India. Awesome stuff! And we were made to watch this documentary on Swami Narayan; the kid who played the Neelkant was adorable.

A 14hr bus ride later, we reached what we called this picturesque place located on the banks of the river Beas. We were rather shocked to look at a wobbly wooden bridge, crossing which we would get to the camp. I would like to call it the terrorizing bridge. Walk on it a couple of times and you’d agree with me if I call it a perfect location for a fight sequence. And once you lose your balance; you may go on your free rafting ride, only without the raft.

The next couple of days were Adventure Sport days. Rappelling - where you climb to the top of a huge rock and climb down. I did not do it – thanks to the fear of heights. I really thought I’ll go sliding upside down on the rock. Next day we went River Crossing. Hoist yourself horizontally, then hold on to the rope like your life depends on it, move in the same direction and you’ll be done.

Paragliding is like the best thing in this whole wide world!! Everybody must seriously try it! I loved it :D And then there was zorbing, you go head over heels; heels over head and all you need to do is scream.

Just when we were settling into the routine, they decided it was time we go onto the real trek. Out came rucksacks and sleeping bags. We were to trek to Camp-2 and 3 by foot. I was a little apprehensive about this part – I kept asking Uncle and G if there was a charted path. I went there to figure out that a trekking trail in trekking terms was a nondescript path with lots of rocks and unbelievably scary terrain.

We changed two camps in three days. Walked through paths where I’ve never imagined. I slid into a gushing stream, slid down the wet near another stream. I literally went sliding down, holding onto little pieces of rocks for support and I could literally feel the sand slipping out of my fingers. That was the scariest moment of the trek. I thought it was the end, because had I lost balance I would have reached the rock bottom only to meet my dead grandparents.

On the whole I’d rate it 8/10. I loved it every bit of my stay. The people were warm and friendly – especially the Bhaiyya(s). Those guys were the best. Amazingly genuine people, God bless them. I managed to strike a convo with all of them. And there was this particular dude who had deep blue-green eyes; I could stare at them all day long! **Sigh**

I would call this an experience of a lifetime; simply because I did things I would’ve normally never attempted. Sleeping in a sleeping bag; sharing a tent with 5 other girls; walking downhill to wash my plates in a stream; Staying in tents without electricity for 3 nights; attending to nature’s call in the open (read: behind huge trees and bushes). It truly helped me appreciate the little joys of life.

You don’t get to wake up to the neighing of horses at 5am or with dew drops on your sleeping bag. It’s an experience of a lifetime. Something you’ll totally understand only if you attempt it.

No matter how many vacations I go on, this one will remain close to my heart forever, because not everybody gets to go White Water Rafting on a Monday Morning!

Three cheers to the Himalayan Trip.

PS: Thanks to all those people who were supportive. Thank you for putting up with my mood swings and being damn understanding. Special thanks for screaming out my name when I went River Rafting; it really helped.

PS1: After churning out close to 970 words, I realise I have not mentioned the best part of the trek – Food. If you are a foodie or a southie or a deadly combination of both like me – this is *the* place to be in!! I still can’t believe I was discussing recipes while climbing up.

PS2: it's 8 because; -1 for not being able to carry my backpack. -1 for not attempting Rappelling and Zumaring.

PS3: YaaaaY!! I can write! :D

Tataaaa!!

2011-05-13T10:10:00.000+05:30

Today is Friday the 13^th of May. Looking at the published posts, I realize that the last post that made a little sense was posted exactly a month back.

I’ve wanted to post something for a very long time; I can blame it on laziness, lack of time and a couple of myriad reasons like – it is too hot in Chennai and I don’t feel like posting.

But all said and done, there are no excuses. The drafts folder has 2-3 posts lined up, all of them in half finished state. There’s one on Astrologer Bashing – that would again go back to the eerie M-Word, then there’s one on Kids these days – too serious for my liking. So the drafts will remain drafts until I decide to publish them.

Remember the first line of this post? That line is significant; my mother of all vacations is around the corner, less than 24hrs to be really precise.

Obviously, I’m at work, but in no mood to work or do anything that’s productive. For the last week or so, this little brain of mine has refused to think about anything else but; snowy peaks, breathtaking sights and the likes.

If you are wondering why I’m creating a hullabaloo about it; there is a reason. This trip to the Mighty Himalayas according to me is a coming of the age sorts of thing. I’ve never really been much of a travel person. I figured out that my life is getting a little too stagnant with little spice. With this came along the trip!

I’ve been planning for a month now – went jogging, bought new stuff. The camera would’ve reached home by now.

The best part of the trip is – it’s self sponsored. When I started working last May, I wanted to do something memorable when I completed one year of working. What can be more befitting than a brilliant trip!

Sometime after the Parambikulam trek, G mentioned the Himalayas, and I instantly jumped at it.

This very trip I’ve been bragging about is very very close to my heart. It’s a well deserved break; I’ve been working non-stop for a year now. I’ve never been on a vacation for ages now. I’ve sponsored everything for the trip. Not that my folks would not buy it for me; after all they’ve been my official sponsors for 23yrs. I wanted this to be something I’ll remember for a long time to come. Since appa insisted, I let him shell out 10k for the camera :P

It’s going to be a really peaceful vacation because, there’s going to be no internet or mobile connectivity. So, amma won’t be able to shove random profiles under my nose for my “opinion” :P

At 7 today evening, I’ll be out of Chennai! YaaaaaaY!!

That’s about it. There will be no updates on fb like – I’ve reached Manali or OMG Himalayas!!

Hang in there, there won’t be any updates on the blog either :P

I’m sure this post made no sense.

Bye Bye Adi, Amma & Appa; Bye Bye AC & Laptop; Bye Bye Work and Deadlines; Bye Bye Chennai & Heat; Bye Bye everybody! – I won’t be around for another 12days!

PS: Screw you Tamil Matri :D

An Awesome Thought

2011-05-08T12:50:00.001+05:30

The blog hasn't been updated in like 10days now and I don't really like it when it stays blank for too long.

G had sent me this forward a while back and after two tags here's an awesome forward :)

Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Fun Questions

2011-04-28T14:37:00.002+05:30

Second tag of the month, I'm sure you've figured out how jobless I am. Or lets put it mildly, I've not had any creative brainwaves in the last 15days? I know it sounds sad, but for every post deprived blog, there's always a tag :P

Here go mine:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

I need a haircut; my skin is clearing out (Nice feeling); I need more sleep.

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?

Bah! Month end baby, so no questions on how much money I have. But since you've asked me 250 in the wallet, 300 tucked away for emergency.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

Boar? Wild Boar, Ok, I told you I'm not at my creative best.

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

MS Dhoni :D

On a serious note, it was Neesu.

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

Paathshala!! (Makes me feel like I'm still in college)

6. What are you wearing right now?

A pretty looking Pink and Cream Salwar. At work you know :P

7. Do you label yourself?

I'm not that narcissistic, I like labeling people instead.

8. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently own?

Something I got from lifestyle. High heels; I'm hoping I don't trip.

9.Bright or Dark Room?

Both.

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

Dunno! I remember picking this up from some random blog while I was blog hopping.

11. What does your watch look like?

A Timex one.. Got it with my salary. But hey! I wouldn't say no to a new one..

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping like a log.

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

“Vodafone Vazhangugiradhu free caller tunes!”

Translated as - Vodafone offers free caller tunes. I already have one.

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?

“Obviously”

15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)

Soms :P

16. Last furry thing you touched?

I don't like furry stuff! :-|

17. Favourite age you have been so far?

16 .. It's + 8 already :(

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?

Will do – to the Sr Analyst for some report that had to be finished.

19.The last song you listened to?

Main Aisa Kyun Hoon from Lakshya. I haven't updated my playlist in *ages*.

20. Where did you live in 1987?

I was born then. Bonbay B-)

21. Are you jealous of anyone?

Ok. A little jealous of the women who are reed thin! :(

22. Is anyone jealous of you?

Ah, Yes!

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

A ring (stop getting weird ideas), my nose pin (yeah :P), and earrings.

24. What’s your favourite town/city?

Chennai!! Whistle Podu!

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

Goes back to 2003, a thank you letter to my cousin who sent me a beautiful card, a photograph of the two of us and letter for my 18th Birthday.

26. Can you change the oil on a car?

No.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

That he graduated from XLRI. *sighs* :P Make that first crush, not love.

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

The neck and the back. Bloody chairs at work!

29.What is your current desktop picture?
Company Logo. I can't change it to my favourite Calvin and Hobbes. :-/

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Thankfully no!.

Innocent Vs, Guilty Tag

2011-04-20T13:34:00.000+05:30

I found this tag somewhere, going by the look of, it's pretty interesting. I love taking up tags, it gives the mind a break from all the overworking it undergoes and also gives me a chance to do something really nice and interesting in the middle of a working day. :D
If you are innocent, leave the question as it is. If you are guilty - strike it out.

1. Graduated high school – Oh hell yeah!! Done with Post Grad as well.. :)

2. Kissed someone – People, Photos, Clothes. Shoes, Bags, Lip-Gloss, Chocolates, Chocolate Wrappers, Jewelery

3. Smoked a cigarette – Nah! Don't plan to either..

4.Got so drunk you passed out – Not yet, I should try it before I turn 25 or before the family decides to pack me off to an Aiyo Pavam of an Iyer Paiyan :D

5.Rode every ride at an amusement park – Lots of times! School excursions serve this purpose! I'm still scared of roller-coasters and rides which go upside down..

6. Collected something stupid – Chocolate wrappers, Funky Erasers, Pencils with Erasers, Pizza Pamphlets, Jewellery Ads, Key Chains, Marbles, Film Star posters, don't forget cricketers.. And I used to collect - karuveppalai, kothamalli, molagu, chundakkai, vegetables and keep them aside on the plate and throw them in the dustbin when Amma wasn't watching over :P

7. Gone to a rock concert – Shankar Ehsaan Loy Concert?

8. Helped someone – Lots of people. I'm a reservoir of ideas :P If the plans fall flat, don't blame me..

9. Gone fishing – Nope! But I've had a wallpaper which said - Gone Fishin' :D My brains have gone fishing :P

10. Watched four movies in one night – I've slept through lots of movies.

11. Lied to someone – Does telling people, that their dress looks beautiful when you know it actually looks like a rag count?

12. Snorted cocaine – No :( There are fair chances of being disowned.

13. Smoked weed – One day :P **Himalayas** Mad Prof AJ are you reading this? :P

14. Failed a subject – Not telling you this one.. :-/ Disgusted with myself

15. Been in a car accident – Nah! Cha, I know I sound like a spoilsport already :P Bike accidents lots, falling off bikes in the middle of the road. Getting sworn at by auto drivers and swearing back is a part of the job description.

16. Been in a tornado – Nopes

17. Watched someone die – Not someone, but something. Think cockroaches, I derive immense joy out of stamping them and watching them die is - priceless!

18. Been to a funeral – Yup, but coming back to the cockroaches, unceremoniously dumping them in the dustbin..

19. Burned yourself - Hell yeah! Idle irons, the dosa right out of the tava and yum Palgova right out of the kadai!

20. Run a marathon – In my dreams! Trekking counts?

21. Cried yourself to sleep – *hmmm!*

22. Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day – Not in a day, but over a period of 10months, I've burnt half my salary on mindless things - gloss, clothes, shoes, shades, food, and lotsss of Liverpool FC Merchandise.

23. Flown on an aeroplane – Yo Baby!! It started off way back in 1987, a 6 month of baby was flown down to Chennai from Bombay, thus the journey continues..

24. Cheated on someone – Bah! No ways!

25. Been cheated on – None yet. Thank God for that.

26. Written a 10 page letter – Hahahaha! I've written 10page exams only to torture poor Anna University Evaluators..

27. Gone skiing – Nopes! But will go Paragliding and Zorbing in May!

28. Been sailing – Sometime in Ooty and near the Gateway of India in Bombay. That qualifies as sailing ok?

29. Cut yourself – A couple of times, but not intentionally.

30. Had a best friend – Still do :)

31. Lost someone you loved – Hmmm yeah..

32. Got into trouble for something you didn’t do – Hahaha!! You have no idea how many times. But the count is more for the trouble that I've invited over the years.

33. Stolen/borrowed a book from a library - Stole? No, I forgot to return the book, no point in returning the book after my finals got over. Some Shashi Deshpande book, for the record, I din't read the book.

34. Gone to a different country – No

35. Watched the Harry Potter movies – More than a couple of times. Adolescence :P.

36. Had an online diary – The blog serves that purpose.

37. Fired a gun - Diwali Cape Gun?

38. Gambled in a casino – Not yet!

39. Been in a school play – A couple of them maybe.. Stage fear :-/

40. Been fired from a job – That's the only missing component :P

41. Taken a lie detector test – A lot of people can tell from my face, if I'm lying or not.. So, I don't need a test.

42. Swam with dolphins – I can't swim..

43. Voted for someone on a reality TV show – Thu!! No ways!!

44. Written poetry- -_- Well yeah, a couple of competitions here and there, sucked at it!

45. Read more than 20 books a year – Once upon a time... Do college books count?

46. Gone to Europe – No.

47. Loved someone you shouldn’t have – Umm... School crushes are meant for these..

48. Used a colouring book over age 12 – Oh yeah! Had to deal with a couple of ruckus 10year olds, I had to colour with them. I still suck at painting colouring and related activities..

~~49. Had a surgery –~~ Yeah, horrible stuff.. I'm scared of hospitals..

50. Had stitches –Nah!! But I've seen people get stitches..

51. Taken a taxi – With the family in the tow..

52. Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once – :D :D :D Happens mostly at work! PS: I'm not jobless

53. Been is a fist fight – My college was famous for that :P

54. Suffered any form of abuse - Clean Your Room and House Sessions, Washing Clothes.

55. Had a pet – An 18yr old who loves Liverpool FC :P

56. Petted a wild animal – I’m shit scared of animals. I tried to pet a Monkey in Bannerghatta Zoo and the silly monkey scared me away!

57. Had your own credit card and; bought something with it – have two, my folks don't let me use it. PS: Don't tell my 18yr old pet about it. :P

58. Dyed your hair – Nopes! But its naturally; brown, light brown and Black in some places.

59. Got a tattoo – Will get one before I’m 25, Promise! Help me select an awesome design.

60. Had something pierced – Multiple times. Nose, ear lobe :D Planning another, lets see what happens..

61. Got straight A’s – Once upon a time in India....

62. Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS – No.

63. Taken pictures with webcam – I personally hate Webcams! The Video streaming sucks, lesser said the better about the pictures..

64. Lost something expensive – My brains, sometime during 2008-2010.. Never found them again.

65. Gone to sleep with music on – During Exams.. :P

PS: the tag is not to be taken seriously. All my publicly declared statements have never been kept up. So, my chances of getting drunk, smoking weed and snorting cocain shall never happen.

Makkale, Vote!

2011-04-13T12:57:00.003+05:30

I heard this yesterday morning on the Radio; this was an attempt to bring people out of their armchairs to vote.

Sample this: Girl- Yar nalaiku poi vote poduvanga. Ivalo veyil, queue la nikkanum. Waste of time ya!

Announcer- Ama ma! Marina la kadala podarche veyil terile, ECR la boyfriend kuda oor suttarche time waste agala. Ana vote mattum poda mattenga?

Think elections and all of us can paint a picture of constant campaigning, political mud-slinging, each political party trying to outdo each other in their “people benefits”, covering up their shams and things like that. This is for the people involved in hardcore politics.

Look at the Great Indian (Upper) Middle Class, you will observe that the panorama of politics varies across demographics; for the older population – it is a medium to reform the system, but for junta like you and me; this is pure tamasha! We are the empowered generation; we’ve had education at our disposal, decent career choices and the purchasing power. So we are supposedly the future of the nation; the torchbearers of the society and all that.

My question is; are we really all of that? Or is it just another statement of political purposes? I think it’s both. Yes we have it all, but none of us really want to exercise it.

Ever since the news of elections began; there has been a lot of noise. The younger population firmly believes that the Indian Political System in all its glory is beyond redemption and we can do absolutely nothing about it.

And after all the brouhaha about the system; today was judgment day. We the Indian Youth were supposed to do what is described as a duty by the Constitution – Vote. I agree that there are not many good choices around, but you can always make a difference by sticking your finger out on a 49-O. Or probably choose for the best of the worst and make your presence felt.

Admittedly I was excited; firstly because this was going to be my first vote. Yeah, say thank you to the TN Govt. for issuing my Voter’s ID Card almost 6yrs after I turned 18. The process of voting is rather simple; all you have to do is, go to your polling booth, stand in a queue, show the official your card and vote.

Sadly, the process wasn’t this simple. I was at the booth at 8AM only to find a *huge* crowd. We landed there as a family and it so turned out that none of us had the “Election Slip”, yeah another goof up by the administrators. So the guy at the polling booth flatly refused to let me cast my vote.

According to him I did not have the slip, so the Voters Card was invalid, this was in spite of the fact that my name was on the electoral list and I was standing right in front of him. Moron of a guy!

This is for all you people who thought choosing your candidate was the only difficult thing.

The point here is not about – How S Iyer cast her vote, but about the spirit of the people who had come to do the same thing.

In my line there were two really old people – one thata who couldn’t walk without support and another paati who was surely 80+. I mean, if the people can actually take the trouble of making a difference in the country/ state’s destiny. I think you and I must exercise it too.

There is no point in screaming out loud cheering for your country on the eve of an Indo-Pak Match. If you thought that match was imperative to the nation’s self respect, then voting should not be left behind.

If you went out in the sun, stood in long queues, fought with silly officials and cast your vote; you’ve made an attempt to make a difference. But if you sat at home on account of being a Govt. holiday, you’ve got absolutely no right to criticize the nation or it’s proceedings.

Go ahead and cast your vote. You still have 4hrs more.

PS: My brother exercised his 49-O. He tried dragging me into it, but yeah, I chickened out.

PS1: I helped the madisaar wearing paati to the booth. Damn proud of myself!!
PS2: I've been admiring my left index finger like it's some "diamond encrusted Platinum ring".

PS3: Please go and vote!

Staying Still

2011-04-10T21:45:00.003+05:30

All through school and college; if I had been pulled up for one thing, it had to be for my inability to stay quiet or still. I wasn’t the naughtiest or the troublemaker one in class, but the folks were aware of a certain somebody who sat in the last bench, spoke too much, slept too much and played a vital role in distracting classes. I was boisterous; but attention seeking was never on my mind.

I could never stay put in a place; I had to do something to keep me occupied. And with this came along a host of activities. Over the last 10 months or so, I’ve observed a lot of unnerving changes which are very uncanny to me.

I’ve become this really quiet girl; I don’t talk as much as I did previously. I’m not the cheerful one anymore; little things don’t bring out the same happiness as before.

I’ve become more or less disinterested in life and its regular course of affairs. Every single day feels and looks the same. I miss the variety and unpredictability of college. Corporate life does have its share of unpredictable aspects, but they are costly and don’t really feel good. Let me be really honest here; I do not like it one bit. There seems to be nothing more than just work to my life.

I’m in the process of becoming a robot like Chitti; only that he is multidimensional, and yours-truly for the record is becoming more and more one-dimensional. In the beginning I rubbished it as a part of growing up, and then I figured out that it was the first job which was sapping everything out of me. 5 months into another job and I still feel the same.

Last Friday A, was showing me a profile of his junior from college; the girl models, has something to do with some super sexy TV Channel and is really good at sketching and painting. I did a reality check – bloody all I do is work – come back home – go back to work the next day. I loathe Mondays, I don’t feel like working on Mondays and same applies to Fridays.

I sleep my way through weekends, hang out with a couple of friends, eat out, shop when the wallet is full and watch movies at a friend’s place when I’m out of cash. This is my life. WORK has taken over every single frame.

Was I the same girl who was screaming hoarse last year this time that she needed a job?

I need a life! :-/

PS: I decided to exercise atleast one of the new year resolutions. 4 months after the new year dawned, I pulled out my shoes and went for a jog on the beach. ** Exhilaration**

PS1: In a bid o reclaim my dying or almost dead social life; I’ve decided to join a Dance Academy :D I’m planning to take up a 3 week workshop!

PS2: The Mother of All Vacations is coming up! The leave got sanctioned officially. Had I been in the other team; I would’ve broken a rib if necessary.

PS3: Yes! I promise to blog more sensible stuff more often. You will not be subjected to such randomized torture.

PS4: I'm listening to songs from Mission Kashmir! I feel like a 12yr old all over again :D I think I still have a crush on Hirthik Roshan.

Haha!

2011-04-05T22:06:00.006+05:30

I don't feel like working today. And this is what I do when I'm bored; post random stuff.

Look at the picture and kick start your Tuesday Morning. I know you dint work on Monday :P

Scary :P

Application i-Sleep

2011-03-29T16:40:00.001+05:30

Sleep is a 5 lettered word which is a panacea to almost everything – headaches, headaches from hangovers, mood swings, hunger etc. You name it; sleep naturally cures it. At some point in my life I had sleeping mentioned as an activity on my Orkut profile; then I realized that it was a double-edged sword and I immediately took if off.

For the last couple of hours, I’ve been unusually sleepy at work. I pinged a friend and the conversation is as follows:

S: I’m sleepy! I want to sleep.

A: Haha.. Good Night.

S: Yeah right!

A, suggested that I listen to heavy metal.

I know a lot of you guys out there who sympathize and share the same feelings. The sad truth is, we can do absolutely nothing but drink two cups of super sugary coffee hoping the caffeine shot brings us back to normalcy.

I plugged in my headphones hoping the music will wash away sleepiness, but nothing happened. So here I am trying to blog away sleep. You can try it sometime too. Open some random notepad and start typing ABCDEF forward and backwards.

This is where I miss college; the minute I felt sleepy or if the class was remotely sleep inducing there were three options; a) walking out of the class in pretence of drinking water, b) fake a headache and sleep off on the desk. Yes even if I was in the front bench right under the boring Profs nose. c) This was not the easiest, but certainly the best option – wait until the 10min break came along, sneak out to the hostel and sleep.

Thinking about being sleepy-dweepy and how even writing a blog post isn’t helping me; I remember a similar situation back in college. Long back yea sometime in my 3^rd semester, I had opted for this subject called “Security Analysis and Portfolio Management”. The Prof was discussing some Risk Mitigation techniques using Alpha and Beta Values and something on Risk Spread. For the record, this is all I remember about the session.

10minutes into the session, when I couldn’t take it anymore I borrowed Ms. PB Nair’s amrutanjan balm; the menthol in it does wonders to drive away sleep. I applied a little on my forehead. With the ammunition in place, I drifted into dreamspace; risk spread gave way to cheese spread, cheese spread gave way to pasta and the long cylindrical pasta dripping with cheese was standing right before my eyes. Then the pasta split lengthwise and looked like a cheese slice. Yeah you get the drift don’t you? I woke up with a thud! – I had landed on the desk (which was previously mistaken as pasta cheese slice lookalike.)

Coming back to reality; I cannot sleep now. The Senior Analyst sits one cube away; the manager sits diagonally behind me. And there’s a project riding on my back. Here they pay me, there my folks paid and I slept through sessions. Such is the irony of growing up. We’re taught to be more professional and are expected to follow a certain code of conduct and etiquette.

Thinking about it now, I cannot help but thank a certain Prof who insisted that we learn the fine art of “stifling yawns”, “sleeping with our eyes open” and “acting like we’re paying attention”.

The paradox is – you cannot sleep! You can only lose sleep over projects, deadlines and the paraphernalia that tag along.

Long long ago I wanted colleges to have sleeping pods. Now I so wish companies do the same. Please allot a little room beside the conference or meeting rooms to sleep and make sure its sound proof. No glass windows please.

To The Girls

2011-03-22T21:10:00.003+05:30

**one awesome forward that I could not resist posting :) "

To all you girls out there; for just being there!

What's so poignant about this picture?
Well, it shows a line of little girls holding hands facing the immensity of ocean waves.
Alone they might be washed away, but together they stand strong.
Thank you each for holding my hand somewhere along the way when I was facing a wave of my own.
I hope you will reach for my hand when your own wave threatens.

All of us girls..
Old and young...
Near and far...
Hold special memories of good times we've shared.
We've had our share of hard times when our friends were there to make us feel better.
We've shared...
Our hearts
Our time
Our secrets
Our fears
Our hopes
And our dreams.
Let us never break the chain of friends!

If you get this twice or more, you are lucky to have more than one girlfriend.

Someone will always be prettier.

Someone will always be smarter.

Their house will be bigger.

They will drive a better car.

Their children will do better in school.

And their husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go,
Be Happy!
And love yourself and your circumstances.
Think about it.

The prettiest woman in the world can have trouble in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be lonely.
And the Word says 'If I have not Love, I have nothing.'

So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say

'I am too blessed to be stressed too anointed to be disappointed!'
I like that!
'Winners make things happen.
Losers let things happen'
Be Blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman.
'To the world you might be one person,
But to one person you just might be the world.'

HERE'S TO YOU MY FRIENDS

Don't You Wish?

2011-03-18T21:00:00.003+05:30

I had just returned from one those painful waxing-threading sessions. My eyebrows were still red with the after-effects. And when I opened my Inbox; I found this.

This goes out to all you womenfolk out there.
How we wish we could be bears even now :D

Laugh out loud and pass it along :-)

Cheers!

Manufacturing Process

2011-03-07T00:12:00.002+05:30

Warning: Extremely Loo..ong post ahead.

Match-making is not child’s play; shortlisting a profile is one thing, horoscopes matching is another. The horoscopes matched with a certain guy. One thing led to another and they decided to “meet up”.

Neesu and Neelu were rather surprised to know that I hadn’t done any background research on the guy. So we unsuccessfully tried to search for him on the “profile viewed” section on tamil-matri, we found a rather toned down profile on linkedin and facebook.

The band and the baaja entered with a bang, the missing component was a baraat . We were locked in my room, and were given strict instructions not to make any noise. Adi was strategically made to sit with the band because I wanted “insiders’ scoop”. The conversations had started; people were laughing randomly, the customary exchange of pleasantries and all that jazz. The shy, coy reserved, chamathu Iyer girl was summoned with a serving plate with coffee tumblers arranged in a row. I heard Adi chuckle to himself.

With all the tamasha happening, the band decided that I must have a chat with the CA boy.

Thus the Manufacturing Process began.

For starters, the guy was on auto-pilot mode. From driving the car at 20kmph, to making small talk. The guy had come prepared with a set of questions. I think these matchmaking people have a ready recokner of sorts; how else can you explain the slew of predictable questions and equally predictable answers from his side? I think his mom would’ve trained him for a week before the big day, plus he was a chartered accountant - so the attempt of trying to tally the balance sheet was quite evident.

From the minute we stepped into the coffee shop until we left – he never let go of his auto-pilot mode of transmission. The person who programmed his brain cells should’ve been some Microsoft / Oracle Certified Software Professional. The function number-1 defined on the program was – about himself. It was a paragraph of “self proclamation”.

Neesu and Adi intercepted him with their slew of questions. Everything from what are your hobbies, how do you spend your weekends, are you a foodie, etc; were fielded pretty well. The two of them took total control of the situation, tried to make him comfortable, cracked jokes worth laughing at. In a nutshell they were pulling his legs, literally.

The guy decided; it is better to give in than fight it out. Thus began the “mee-too war”. He was on a futile mission to prove that he was one among us – outspoken, outgoing, fun loving and bunch of go-getters.

You needn’t be an expert at behavioural sciences to understand that the guy was faking it. He was none of the above; he was your standard guy – grew up in a suburb, a proper hen-pecked guy, an absolute bookworm who knew zilch about the outside world.

The junta then decided that the guy and I should have a private chat. The tallying the balance sheet process had begun – the monologue began. The guy showed no interest in knowing anything about me. He rattled a lot about himself including the fact that he scored 95 in Maths in class 10. After every paragraph, there was a short pause; more like “any questions/ any doubts?”

The guy was amazingly fixed in terms of ideas and thought process. PS: He admits that he doesn’t drink anything but Aztec in CCD. WTF man! If you can’t experiment with something as simple as coffee, what is the assurance that you will try something like “chakkarai Pongal flavoured ice cream” at Saravana Bhavan?. Forget Ice creams and coffee, the guy was just plain rigid. He wanted me to work, I gave him an indirect answer that I don’t see myself in corporate slaughterhouses for way too long.

At one point the pause was a little longer, so I decided to showcase my oratory skills – only with a better accent and flawless English.

With this, my interest dwindled and the values were in negative by the time we left the coffee shop. I had made a mental note of rejecting the guy; the wavelengths did not match.

The manufacturing process had then come to a grinding halt.

Just when we were leaving the coffee shop, the guy looks at Adi and said “Adi, I like you man”. Poor Adi was shell-shocked for the rest of the evening.

But what had me shell-shocked was the fact that, this guy had made it to the good books of the man in question (Appa); which is as good as Vashishtar Vaayal Brahma-Rishi.

PS: I don’t mean to demean the guy, this was my personal opinion. Frankly speaking, I wasn’t impressed. He mentioned that he pursued his B.Com and CA, symmetrically. Yeah, you read that right.

PS1: this guy was plain boring. There was absolutely no mental connect whatsoever. I’m not talking about “Hosanna in the background”, I’m talking about simple common interests or atleast a platform with some scope for improvement.

PS2: The poor little CA was a little taken aback when he realised I was not the demure one. He wasn’t able to come to terms with the fact that I was actually way too outgoing, a little too outspoken, forward thinking and not his type.

PS3: it’s ok CA boy, I totally second your opinion, I dint like you either. I’m sure you’ll find your demure woman from Meenakshi College who has passed her B.Com with distinction.

PS4: The guy’s family called and we turned down the request last Sunday. We were mourning the loss of my Paati, but we truly celebrated the rejection.

R.I.P Meenamma

2011-02-28T21:12:00.006+05:30

It started out as a really fine Saturday morning. Finally I had a weekend all for myself after a long time, the last one was chock-a-block with a graduation day, meeting a family and hospital visits. Plus paati had been discharged from the hospital a couple of days back. S and I were at restaurant on the ECR chatting away to glory and suddenly Appa called. I thought it was one of those “where are you and when do you plan to come home calls”, so I sent him a text saying I’ll be home by 4. He called again, to break the worst news ever – Meenamma passed away, come home right now. I was too shocked to say anything at all. The next hours were a blur.

Meenamma is Appa’s Amma and none of us in the family have ever addressed her as Paati. I don’t know who came up with the name, but I’ve called her that for as long as I remember. She moved in with us way back in 1990 when Amma and I were to join Appa in Bangalore, she’d been living with us since then. She’d always been a constant at home, my folks were working, when Adi and I returned from school, she was at home to greet us.

In all these years, I’ve always shared a love hate relationship with her.

She was a very different Paati, not a very devout woman, she found solace in arts. She was a very sharp woman, with an opinion everything; music, politics and movies of the yesteryears. She could read and write English (beat that!) and was a voracious reader as well. She was an awesome cook; she took real good care of Adi and me, when the folks were away at work. Her people skills is something I will die for; everybody who came home ended up striking a rapport with her, she knew everybody by name; the bai, paperwala, milkman, cablewala, you name them she knew them. She was exceptionally talented – at the age of 85, her voice was still quiver-free, you have to believe me when I say she could sing Keerthanais without missing a beat, she was the best when it came to handiwork, all those toys made of beads in the showcase are her creations, the sweaters in the wardrobe are all hers. She had a memory of a super computer; she remembered people, dates, and events with the details intact.

What I never liked about her was gossiping. Even today I’m fiercely protective about my family. You say a word against them, I will rip you apart. And that’s precisely what happened with her. Somehow in her 25years of knowing Amma she never came around accepting that she was the best daughter-in-law of the family. There were a couple of other characteristics I dint like – one was her partiality to her older son, two never appreciating what was bestowed upon her.

So, when Appa broke the news to me I couldn’t react – I was too stumped to say or do anything. When all three of us were in the car, Amma broke the silence; in between sobs she asked “eppdi”, Appa said “terile”. Honestly, all of us were shocked. The first shocker was seeing a woman with a steel body lying in the ICU with a ventilator on. For one she’s never had any ailment in all her 85years – no BP, no sugar, no cholesterol or anything of that sort. The only thing she’s complained of is a backache, which is quite normal.

I’m yet to come to terms with the fact that she’s not around. It is a very very big void which nobody can work on. I will miss her terribly. I’ll have to get used to opening the door using the keys, something that I’ve not done in 23years. I’ll miss those days when she sneaked a couple of 100Rs notes under the pillow; I’ll miss trying on those sweaters that I’ll never wear in Chennai’s heat. I’ll miss fighting for the remote control. I’ll miss being protective about her, taking her to the bank every 5^th of a month or just making sure she had her food on time. I’ll miss just having her around. Those fights, moments of emotional outburst will remain etched in my memory forever.

No matter wherever you are, I hope you will be happy.

I hope there is a nice little shop upstairs where they sell toffees’ and wool.

We will miss you – Amma, Appa, Adi and I.

Bye bye Meenamma. RIP.

Curtains Down

2011-02-20T12:46:00.000+05:30

Another chapter in life came to an end on the 19^th of February 2011, the post graduate degree was conferred and it’s the official end of academics. There is an underlying sentiment attached to it, primarily because this was the last straw.

I’ve attended two grad days now! *yaaay* I can now draw comparisons between the both – in terms of college, junta and management. Are you really interested? If you promise me that you will not doze off then I’ll give it a shot. MOP was like the perfect girls college – ingredients include; cat fights, bonding and lots of gang rivalry. SoMCA on the other hand was very subdued, quiet, and there was ruckus on a few occasions, but most of them are dismissible. To think about it; I survived both.

What I really liked the best about this college was the transport; I’m a public transport travel averse, so when they offered pick up and drop facilities, I was more than happy to take it up. The grind began at 5.00AM on a dim Saturday morning; because I was wearing a saree and had to catch the bus at 6.45 from the stop (which eventually did not happen).

The show time began with a lot of euphoria and festivity. For some it was a time to prove to the rest of the bunch they have arrived, their new found independence and the extra fittings that come along with it. Some were totally hung on the concept of “meeting friends” and a handful of them junked it, the ones who had absolutely no plans of looking at the people back in college.

I was a little of the last category I mentioned, I was in two minds until Friday evening; I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to be there among the people, but I did go, to meet a few friends and most importantly to collect what was mine – the MBA degree from godforsaken Anna University. I owed to myself because I survived it all – syllabus, evaluations, mode of education; so it would be pretty sad if I dint go on stage to take that certificate wave it in the air and say “THIS IS MINE”.

This time around, we were the minorities; the MBA class had hardly 60 people and we were seated in the front row – that eliminates the option of sleeping. There is one advantage of being an MBA in this case; they apparently considered this to be the highest degree to be awarded, and so we were called on first to collect our certificates.

After the applause subsided we did walk back to our seats, cheered the rest of the crowd, waited ravenously for the lunch, took photographers, smiled at random people and went back home as post graduates.

Cheers :)

Appreciating Spoilsports

2011-02-15T23:02:00.001+05:30

Think about this – ever wondered what life would be like; if it was picture perfect, there were no glitches, nothing to worry about and if everything worked like a charm? Now apply the same equation to the people around you. What would it be like – if there wasn’t a single person on our hate lists, nobody to bitch about, if we loved everybody equally and considered each one them angels?

It would be picture perfect, a fairy tale. But wait, every fairy tale needs a villain / or an evil scheming person. There certainly must be a character at each phase who is annoying, who is such a pain in the wrong side and we simply can’t put up with, a certain somebody who is out to make life miserable or so we believe.

These people should be crowned the most hated people of all times – bring on that diamond studded tiara.

If you’ve read the above paragraphs and shuddered saying; Hell no! There isn’t a single person in my life in that category of an annoying moron; you are either lying or a disciple of His Holiness Sri Sri RaviShankar.

The other day, I was majorly angry at a certain somebody, sadly I was pretty helpless. All I could do was – fume, crib and go mad about it. I called up a friend, and we got discussing, in girl-talk terms its called cathartic treatment. We called them names, dissected their sad lives, and in the end I felt much better than I did before the call.

I was mulling over these people later that day, I figured out that we actually need them. These people, who freak the hell out us, are actually necessary evils. Think about it, if everything at work went on like a charm, then there would be absolutely no fun in working.

In other words, anything that is uneventful actually goes unnoticed.

What is the fun in travelling by an auto when you don’t haggle with the driver? Or a bus journey, where a conductor returns that 50p. What’s the fun in driving when there is no irrational motorist who cuts across your lane? A good movie gets raving reviews, but a bad one or the one which doesn’t match up to our expectations, get ripped; everybody wants to discuss how terrible it was. These are just a few of them, you can add more to the list.

Likewise in life, the good people are all in the background, the real angels who keep us going, but in reality the demons make it interesting. They are our emotional ventilators without whose help, we’ll be inane beings. They instil rationality, give us a better picture of the world, and help us appreciate the goodness around us.

These people make our days in one or more ways. If not for them, our days and lives would be very predictable and unexciting.

Now, think about it...

Randomization Part-III

2011-02-09T23:10:00.001+05:30

A few Ads that caught my attention in the recent times, I'm not much of a video posting person, but I couldn't resist these.

1) The Tata Nano Ad - I like the last part where the kid applies Kajal to drive away evil

2) Big Rock - Hilarious Stuff.. Anybody can start a business :P

3) Blackberry Application - Naukri + Shaadi + Make My trip. Ideally I'd like to skip step-2 and head to step-3.

4) Bingo Cream & Onion Chips - Ippo anybody can be International :D

5) Bodhi Vidyashram - Velammal School. This school apparently imparts integrated IIT-JEE Coaching to it's students. Yeah right! I think the next in the line is, P.S Senior Secondary School coming up with a school which says, we will coach our commerce department students to become Chartered Accountants, Cost Accountants and Corporate Secretaries as soon as they pass out from school. Added advantage can be a CFA or a FRM course.
Wonder what will happen to outliers like me then ;)

I couldn't find the video for this, if you get hold of it, pass it on.

Random Musings

2011-02-04T15:22:00.001+05:30

A random conversation between A and I. I was being the generous older sister, and see what I got in return..

Me: A! Adidas Nike and Levis la edho sale irruku.. Do you want something? T-shirt floater or jeans venuma?

A: No :-)

(I was a little shocked and surprised. So, I decided to egg him on a little more)

Me: Aye loose! Sale da :P we can buy two at the price of one. Last time you wanted floaters na? We can buy one for you and me. Even a bag should be fine.

A: Bag vendam, appa will scold. Save money for my new mobile, adhu porum.

Me: Ooh…

Now I get why the little one was acting all nice and sweet by saying he dint want anything.

PS: all you young semi-independent boys and girls, take note of such unusual behaviour when your little one refuses to buy your deals.

The Best of R.K Laxman

2011-01-26T23:05:00.018+05:30

Here's wishing you all a very Happy Republic Day. :D

I'm not a cynic, but this one was perfect for the day.

Mera Bharat Mahaan :D

... She turned 24!!

2011-01-18T00:09:00.000+05:30

Ever heard of a woman who

- hates ice-creams, cannot stand chocolate;

-not an internet addict and thinks facbeooking is a serious waste of time.

- has replied to Orkut Scraps months after receiving them?

- owns a mobile phone, but will not take calls or reply to texts?

- stayed in Chennai for 20years now, and cannot speak a full sentence in Tamil.

Such people do exist, and they form the other end of the Normal Distribution Curve. No, she isn’t a 50 something with salt and pepper. This has been in the offing for a year now, last year, but laziness got better of me. This time I’ve decided to ignore the throbbing pain in my upper jaw at 12 in the night, to wish the best woman a very Happy 24^th Birthday!

Dear Neesu,

I’d like to warn you right away that this is going to be very silly, soppy and mushy which is quite unlike me. But you truly deserve this soppiness for all that you’ve put up with. I must thank you for being there by my side throughout the ups and downs of life; madness and sadness; school results and college admissions; numerous crushes and google searches; all those night long discussions on things that make absolutely no sense.

To be really honest with you, I had no premonition that we would come this far, and I’m glad that we did. I still can’t believe we have little or nothing in common, except for the love for Shah Rukh Khan and that is so passé. I guess there was something more than just divine intervention that’s kept us going for so long; amidst all those silly nonsensical fights, to thought-provoking and enlightening talks ;)? I think it is the warmth enamours you. Otherwise why would a girl who came over to pick some notes make your home her second home, and a permanent resident at times?

Your enormous amounts of patience inspires me, sometimes I really wish I could be a lot like you, say being more cautious while taking decisions or just being more sane. Here again, I wouldn’t want to think too much about it to the extent that I get totally confused.

Sometimes I think I must take a little from your dislikes to become a little better – like eat less chocolates, and try and say no once in a while.

I must thank you for bringing in a lot of positive and new influences in my life, for pushing me to the edge, making me explore a lot of things which I would have not, like blogging for instance and a lot of other things which I perceived I’m averse to. You’ve inculcated in me; the love for good food, of exploring different places, and for plain experimentation.

There have been so many instances where I look back and wonder what life would’ve been like without you around; but I’m plain happy that you’ve been around for so long, and that’s been a blessing in itself. I will be eternally grateful for accepting me for what I’m; the entire package without any changes whatsoever. Thank you for making me feel comfortable in my own skin, and making me believe that it’s ok to be a little weird at times.

So, Auntyji, here’s wishing you the Happiest Birthday ever!! May all your wonderful dreams come true. Go ahead and chase that media dream of yours, and make us all proud.

God Bless You!

Love,

PS: I’ve thanked you a lot of times in this post, and I mean every word uttered. So I’d like to request you to bring out that tissue and wipe your eyes atleast for courtesy’s sake.

PS1: The day I have a baby, you will be the Godmother. Yeah, I mean it.

PS2: Woman, if you ever were a guy, I would’ve asked you out. Now thank heavens that both of us are sensible straight women.

PS3: its 12.15 and I must sleep.

Dilbert On Market Research

2011-01-12T21:12:00.000+05:30

I've been wanting to post something that's very easy on the mind, and fun to read.I found this on a friend's Facebook Page, so I did the Ctrl C and Ctrl V. (it's ok to copy paste once in a while)

This is what Mr.Dilbert has to say on Market Research! ;-)

Cheers :D

New Year Essentials

2011-01-06T14:07:00.002+05:30

I promised to post something on my set of New Year resolutions and here they are. This time around I decided to keep them simple, doable, achievable and realistic. There is no point is resolving to go to the moon, or saying I want to win the Miss Universe title, unless you are preparing for them. From my past set of resolutions, I see that there is no point in over promising to self, and under delivering it by a great margin, so I made a very conscious effort to keep the unrealistic stuff to the minimal.

Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for “New Year Resolutions – 2011”

Lose Weight: Ok, this has been on my resolution list since the January of 2009, when I saw the first “I’m-getting-fat” signs. I’m on a hat-trick this year, wish me luck! Last year I managed to shed some, and gained them all back, thanks to 5 months under serious stress.

Staying in Touch: Over the last year, or so I’ve kind of distanced myself from people intentionally and unintentionally. I’m not discussing about the intentional ones here, I’ve figured out that, I need human contact; I cannot survive without people around. This doesn’t mean, I trust people blindly, but I simply keep them in tab. Say hi once in a while, a ping on fb to say the least. You never know whom you will need when. PS: I’m not being the opportunist here.

Spend time with Family & Friends: I’ve decided to keep the ones whom I really care about closer. Show them that I care, and make them feel special. Sometimes I go off the radar for a while, and nobody knows why.

Smile More Often: Sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror, I think I’ve forgotten to smile genuinely. I’ve mastered the infamous ‘Corporate Plastic Smile’, and believe me, I don’t like it. I’ve decided to reserve the above mentioned smile only to a restricted bunch of people, and spread the genuine one more often.

Stop worrying on the personal and professional front. Taking too much tension to the head doesn’t solve any purpose. This includes letting go also.

I have decided not to bring home work either, not stretch too much unless the survival of the project depends on it.

Live life, eat healthy and workout.

Pray more often; I’m not the one who enters the Puja room or a temple in times of distress, I do pray, but I’ve decided to say thank you God more often this year. PS: I need extra blessings :P

Learn something new; the quest for learning should never end is my personal belief. I want to learn something I’ve never dabbled with before; art or a new language, or even self defense. I’ve had an eye on Tai Chi for quite some time now.

Become a Certified Yoga Trainer. The Power Yoga bug got onto to me big time and the efforts have been truly worth it. I’ve wanted to get properly trained in it; not only because it’s a lucrative career option, and to add some extra USP to my profile. What’s the fun in being just another MBA?

Sponsor a child, inspired by the World Vision advertisements, I want to sponsor one or atleast give them a onetime payment now that I’m semi-independent and can support a family.

Pamper myself, everybody needs an exhilarating hair-spa treatment or a soothing pedicure once in a while. Who doesn’t like being pampered? I’ve decided to raise the bar one notch up, and I’m planning on a chocolate facial – I promise I won’t lick chocolate.

I’ve stuck to my guns for being realistic this time.

I sincerely hope 2011 is good to each and every one of you, and me of course.

Cheers to the year ahead.

2010 Round-up

2010-12-31T23:10:00.003+05:30

When you wake up tomorrow morning, it will be a brand new year, and before the clock strikes 12, I decided to contribute my year end post amongst the n-number of posts that would’ve flooded the blogosphere by now.

If there was a calendar year I’d pick to be voted as the most memorable, this would be it. 2010 has been a year of firsts, many shocks, rude wake up calls, irreversible changes, transformations and a home coming of sorts. You can rename 2010 as the year of Job Interviews.

We’ll start with family for a change.

A, finishes school and goes to college; neither of these were shocks per se, but going off to a hostel was the shot in the arm. Honestly, I couldn’t bear to see the little boy go away to a hostel. It was the worst part, because after having a constant companion and confidant around for 17yrs, the void becomes quite prominent, and difficult to deal with.

Now it’s me time. Looking back, I never expected 2010 to be such a rollercoaster ride. I assumed it would be smooth sailing, because at the outset, I could foresee only a final year project and a job offer. With this on the plate, it should’ve been a breeze; but I still have no idea who invited a tornado, and put me in the eye of it.

Caught in the whirlwind of ups and downs was the year 2010.

The project was supposed to be easy peasy and things turned terrible, and by the time it saw the light of the day it was mid-May. Job hunting was supposed to be the same. I was pretty confident that cracking a couple of job interviews would be just as easy, but then there were way too many potholes on the gateway to the first real job. Even that dint last long – 5 and a half months to be precise. Amidst all this was the – I’m an MBA feeling.

Before I forget, I’ll list out the firsts;

1) Jan- May – Job hunting in all its futility, the project which went from good to bad, bad to worse, and finally got done thanks to divine intervention.

2) May - I got my first job.

3) June - I sent the first “I miss you text” – and it went out to my brother.

4) July - I got my first pay cheque.

5) July- The high of swiping cards.

6) Sep - I went on my first trek

7) Aug to Oct - I had the first taste of what work pressure and hostile atmosphere feels like.

8) Nov - I wrote my first resignation letter.

9) Nov - Changed jobs.

The first job did teach me a lot; everything from making ISD Calls to East Coast, West Coast, countries like Serbia and Croatia, which I knew existed only on maps! It also gave me a sneak peek of what happens in the dark alleys and dungeons of the corporate world, saw the game of politics being played out from close quarters, unearthed a lot of two faced people. Got hurt and grew up in the process.

To balance out the evil, I had a bunch of really nice people like Jalsa, Salasa, and little girl, who helped me wade through. Thank you ladies!

On the personal front, it has been a growing up experience. A lot of people have shouldered me in good and bad times. Special thanks to bro, Neesu, G-Girl, The blood hound who can smell trouble, and Prash.

Just when I thought the year would end on a very happy note, came around Boy hunting.

Today as the year draws to an end, I realise that I’ve grown up, completed my post graduation, I have a job that pays me a fancy amount. I’ve come a long way from the trepidation and apprehension that swallowed me through the first few months.

Here’s wishing you all a great 2011!

You will see a New Year resolution post in another few days.

Cheers :)

PS: Before you close the window, the only thing that hasn't changed from 2009 to 2010 is - the crush on Murali Vijay. Somebody HELP ME! :P

Happiness!

2010-12-22T14:18:00.004+05:30

A blog post after what seems like ages; the festive season is on, and everybody is in a mood to spread cheer and happiness. Life on the work front is also pretty chilled out. I’m sure you must have figured that out by now; blogging on a weekday from work. You get the drift right?

The idleness, happiness and boredom has brought me here; I’m really not in a mood to post something really serious, in other words, I don’t plan to overwork my brains right now… so, the best thing I can come up with right now is an out and out commercial post, tried and tested, every blogger worth their salt has one of these mushy, girly, endearing and truly gratifying post. And, this is mine.

What makes me happy?

*Chocolates! Yeah baby; that very cutie brown piece of heaven that comes wrapped in foil. I like everything that’s chocolaty. I’m a true blooded chocolate addict. I love chocolate, and chocolate loves me. How else can you explain this theory that a every time I step into a store to buy something, this wonderful, adorable thing hiding in the aisle makes a pass at me and says “ here I am; look at me”?

*Appreciation and compliments; I’m a sucker for both. It can be appreciation for a job well done, or for that chocolate cake which turned out yum or for something totally unexpected. If you want to make my day – simply say, you look pretty. PS: Be genuine.

*Good food, this is not necessarily something exotic. Simple, comforting home cooked food. Here again, I wouldn't say NO to anything that fried / has chocolate or is just plain chocolate. I’m a foodie at heart.

*Cooking; with the love of good food, comes the art of cooking. I thoroughly enjoy cooking, feeding folks and eating of course. Nothing is more therapeutic than cooking something from scratch.

*Laughing for no reason and so hard that tears stream down my cheeks. I must tell you that my laughter is infectious. There are fair chances of going deaf if you are in close proximity.

*Girl talk, bitching, gossiping, and those heart to heart conversations. You don’t need a set time and pattern.

*Gyaan giving, counseling and being the agony aunt – this is called giving back to the society at large.

*Talking endlessly. I’m sure it needs no explanation. If you’ve been reading this blog regularly, you would’ve figured that out by now.

*Bringing a smile onto a couple of faces.

*Mall Hopping, line marofying.

*Browsing through book stores.

*Trying on perfumes which I will never buy.

*Watching chick flicks or SRK movies with friends.

* Rain dancing or singing or both.

*Losing weight when I least expected it. (the opposite of this would be, gaining a couple of kilos, when I've been dieting)
*Finding a neatly folded 100 Rupee note in my not-washed-in-a-quarter jeans.
*Riding my bike on an empty road.

*Photograph frenzy.

*Super hot cup of coffee as soon as I return home.
*Super clean room with everything in the right place.. Turning on the AC would be an icing on the cake. :P

*Books – I’m a bookworm. Period.

*A mid week holiday.

*12hrs of undisturbed sleep.
*Playing with little kids, being the story teller or simply having them around is unbridled joy!

*A lazy weekend or even better a weekday, spent reading a book by the window, watching kids play in the compound, and endless cups of coffee.

This is called bliss.

Cheers :)

Blog Analysis

2010-12-14T12:38:00.046+05:30

I have decided to take analysis to the next level.

This is the blog analysis by this website called www.urlai.com

A Strange Mixture of Sanity and Insanity

Am random; therefore my posts will be extremely random...

Text analysis

yourstruly-motormouth.blogspot.com is probably written by a female somewhere between 18-25 years old. The writing style is personal and happy most of the time.

Age

Gender

Tonality

Mood

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Will You Marry Me?

2010-12-05T23:58:00.005+05:30

Before you jump to conclusions, let me tell you that is not an open declaration or plea from my side. I’m using my MBA Marketing skills of *grabbing eyeballs*. Now that you sat up and took notice, half my job is over.

Welcome to Mission M – The Ultimate Disaster Management Program.

Being the Business Analyst I am, I decided to conduct a small scale Market Research Study on the state of affairs.

Individual profiles are divided into various sub categories. The categories which are fodder for humour are – photos, about me, about my family and partner preferences. The profiles are created either by the boy or his parents, in very rare cases relatives or siblings.

About me: there are lots of variations to this. If the parents have created the profile, they make use of this opportunity to showcase their Son’s glory to the fullest extent.

Sample this: My son is an extremely intelligent, good looking boy with clean manners. He respects elders and is a very soft spoken boy who is also very God-fearing. Moreover he will not mean any harm to even small insects. The entire paragraph sounds pretty decent, except for the last part. Your son will not harm an insect, is that what you mean? Ok, I have a question, what will he do if there is an ant climbing up his nose? Will he say “Hey Ant Baby! ‘Sup?”

This one was by the guy himself. Hi I’m ABCDEF; I’m a super chilled guy who loves to socialize with people. I have been living in the US for 6yrs now, and I have travelled the globe, except to Antarctica hehehe. I have four things to say – one; my dear hyperactive dodo, this is a matrimonial profile, and not some despo Facebook profile where your intention is to be a Chick Magnate. Two; all of us are aware of the fact that only researchers setup base in Antarctica. So if you’ve been to a lot of places across the globe, have you been to Greenland and Arctic Region? Have you seen Santa and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer? Three; if you claim to be *that* chilled out, I guess if we do meet, we must catch up in Pasha over Child Beer and Chicken-65. Four; heheheh is GAY. Moron.

One guy says, he was born and "bread"* in Chennai. Bread you mean? Well, I like Jam Rolls better.

Another guy says, I'm very "compassionate" about music. I'm equally compassionate about the people who listen to my music.

About My Family: This is where people get all filmy. Remember that Ad which goes like “My Daddy Strongest”? One profile read: We are very happy family of fantastic 4. We are inseparable and love each one of us to death. I have a question; Which Tamizh Movie inspired you?

You know what? My mummy is a superwoman!

Partner Preferences: This part which makes me go violent. We would like to receive requests from well educated girls from respected families’ sums up the entire equation. People go the extra-mile and describe their preferences. We are interested in; tall fair slim Iyer brides, who are well educated, have strong family values and also career oriented. The fixation on “fair” brides is truly overwhelming.

The best of all is photos: Guys when they upload pictures end up contradicting themselves big time. There was this profile, where the guy had specifically mentioned that he is a “non-drinker”, but the album, has a full size picture of him and a glass with a golden colour liquid. Are you getting HIGH on Mirinda?

Pictures of themselves taken during the Onsite Project; this is the second category that exhibits extreme wannabe characteristics. Standing beside cars in a showroom is fine, makes you look like you’ve got great taste, but wrapping your arms around it like it’s your own is pushing it too far.

That’s all folks.

I’m sure you realise that I have categorically ruined every possibility of getting married.

Good Luck with your Partner Search.

PS: The paradox of the MR study is - if the guy's profile is remotely interesting. The following will happen; a) The guy lives in USofA, which is a BIG no-no. b) the gothram will be the same - equally tragic. c) The nakshatram will be the same or incompatible with yours.
PS1: All the profiles described above are real. The spellings are also straight from the profiles.
PS2: This is my view on the entire episode, and no hard feelings please. :P
PS3: I also realise that my profile might be getting ripped apart elsewhere. But yeah, who cares!
PS4: Thank you for reading through such a long post. Your patience is deeply appreciated.

Rain Rain, Go Away.

2010-11-30T13:49:00.002+05:30

Dear Rain,

At the outset, I must thank you for making your presence felt. You’ve done a great job of bringing down the temperatures, filling our dams with enough water so that we don’t have to crib about the lack of it in the coming months and also for giving us a great deal of respite from the sweltering heat Chennai is known for.

On the flip side, you’ve ruined our roads, disrupted traffic; by making long journeys even longer, making public transport almost unusable and derailed our civilian lives.

I wholeheartedly appreciate the dedication you’ve exhibited in performing the duties assigned. I must also mention that you’ve exceeded expectations. Thank you is too small a word to express my gratitude.

My dear Rain, don’t ever come to the conclusion that I don’t love you anymore, I still do, but I’m writing this to you because I don’t want any love to be lost between us. At this juncture I must tell you, that too much of a good thing nullifies the goodness it was intended for.

I hope you get what I’m saying. Back in school and college, even when you drizzled down, our principals were kind enough to declare a holiday. Now, even if you lash down on us, the corporate companies we represent will NOT declare a holiday, and even if they do, we will have to compensate for it on another day, when your downpour is at its best.

I agree that the best thing to do when you visit us is to sit by the window with a hot cup of coffee and a lovely book. All that is technically impossible because as much as I would love to admire you, sing, dance and all that, I must tell you that I have a job to attend to.

I sincerely hope you understand my predicament of going to work completely drenched. It doesn’t look and feel good. My kindest request to you is, please stop what you are doing. You can revisit us sometime in June, and we’ll welcome you with our arms wide open.

It’s high time you visited other parts of the country and wrecked havoc there.

Before I get way too violent, please let us live in peace.

Thanks & Regards,

PS: We’ll need your presence sometime in April or May again, you can visit us for a short while then.

From Jerry to Tom – A Crucial Transformation

2010-11-25T14:39:00.001+05:30

The latest fad on Facebook is uploading cartoon pictures, for an invasion of childhood memories. The idea was very cute, because it gave me an opportunity to revisit childhood memories. I chose Tom & Jerry.

I was nicknamed Jerry in my previous company thanks to the petrified look on my face every time I crossed paths with certain people. I will attribute that unreasonable fear to their attitudes. They were all poker faced, extremely cold towards people, and packed with attitude and arrogance. I have everything against these people. I mean honestly, if you were that good, people should recognize you for that. One thing I’ve learnt over the years is respect is never demanded, it is always bestowed. Respect that is coerced is not actually worth it.

I digressed, but that was crucial to understand the context. Yeah, so I was little jerry who froze at the sight of 3 people. I would actually run out of sight or look away when they passed. This was an insider joke of sorts, my Primary expert-I, would actually poke fun at me, and all of us used to laugh. Somehow in my 5 months stay over there I never came to accept them, and vice versa.

I was never happy there; every passing day was actually a pain, a punishment. The entire place made me feel like a prisoner in a concentration camp. I can spew venom thinking about the place. There have been innumerous days, where I’ve returned home weary, sullen and teary eyed. Had I stayed there longer, I would have become non-existent. So, I was Jerry forever.

I walked out of the place, with a wee bit of sanity intact, and I embarked on a new beginning. This Tom Vs Jerry Chapter of my life, left me shaken, but it did stir in a vital lesson – I need not be scared of anybody in my life. My life is my own, and I needn’t freeze. I should learn to wholeheartedly accept myself.

Today, I know it’s a new beginning, and I’m all by myself. Tom is left behind, and I have taken an oath never to be Jerry again.

Thanks Primary Expert for actually drilling this into my brains. Tomorrow, if anybody calls me to the Manager’s cabin, I will not die of shock. Promise.